i need some advice and what this nclex rn exam means to me

this is my situation right now. i finished nursing school in the philippines and been out of school for almost a year now. i came back to the united states last year and left my son and husband behind so i can take my exam and find a job too while studying. it was hard for me to concentrate because there was alot going on like my sisters wedding coming up and all that. so i did not even bother to concentrate on studying for my nclex yet. then after everything has died down and the holidays were over i got my concentration and focus ready. starting around january i started reading my kaplan books again (before i came to the u.s. i died the 3 months kaplan review in the philippines). it was struggle for me to make a study habit going and all that because it was winter and stress and overwhelming get to me. and also i work 32 hours per week, every other weekend from 11 - 7. i get to study as often as i can and i can say in the last 4 months i have gained much knowledge and learning more and more each day. i try not to be too hard on myself because i do work and i get exhausted too from work. i put my best as working as a nursing assistant on an acute care floor because it is just not in my attitude to slack off at work or even at anything and especially when i was in nursing school. i read at work...and i try to read at home too...i have read about 85-90% of the kaplan course book but the layout of the book is confusing and so i also read out of the kaplan basics book which presents things by systems etc, i make notes for everything i read (it helps me retain more if i write things and go over them like billions of times)...i also have the saunders 4th edition comprehensive cd...i have gone through all the questions on maternity, cardio, pedia, endocrine, gastro, psych, and doing muscoloskeletal now, i read through eahc questions and even print out the rationales to eahc questions and go over them at work repeating them to myself over and over again...i got the following scores on pratice exams: kaplan strategies 66% (180 questions), my diagnostic test on saunders was 74%, my kaplan question trainers 63%, 60%, 57%, 63% and i think on my kaplan diagnostic test was between 65% - 70%...i cant seem to find my score...

i plan to continue doing all the questions on saunders. instead of testing myself on saunders i use the cd as info and read the questions and really study the rationales...and it helps. i plan to go system by system while referring to my kaplan books...i also plan to enroll in the kaplan q bank and do 100 questions from them each day for about a month until my exam.

my application is still with the CES cgfns. they just received my transcripts from the philippines and will evaluate it for a couple more weeks. i dont know if i can schedule everything by the end of may so most probably june i will be able to take the exam.

i need advice if i am doing okay...this nclex rn means alot not just to me but the future of my family. if i fail the first time i know i can take it again and theres no shame in that...but like everyone here, failing will be hard to accept. i keep getting mixed emotions on purchasing the saunders book. i dont know if its too late and if it will just overwhelm myself. i feel like i do have time to read the whole book or i wont have time to read it because i also work part time 32 hours and i need to sleep and rest too. are the questions on the book the same as in the cd?

i just purchased the linda la charity book and so far i read it at work too...i have to tally up my scores on them too...i know i shouldnt overwhelm myself and just stick to one source but i will not forgive myself if i fail...please help me and advice me anyone...