I just started in the ICU about 3 months ago on orientation. In about 4 weeks I will be getting off of orientation.
Before starting in the ICU, I had about 4 years experience in telemetry. But of course I knew this is definitely WAY different than telemetry and I will be a new grad again. My issues are that I am having a hard time understanding what is going on with the patients I get with my preceptors. And yes! I ask a million and one questions and let it be known if I don't know or don't remember something I learned and reviewed throughout my critical care classes. But I also noticed that in some ways my preceptors withhold information My evaluation shows that my preceptors find me pleasant to work with, eager to learn and I am doing a good job BUT I need to work on retention of information. I was honest and made it clear that all the information is running together for me and can't always remember. I also let it be known that I am having problems with time management and organization big time and I asked them to tell me ways to get it all organized. I didn't receive much help with that other than maybe doing a list and that "it will come with time". After the meeting, one the higher ups told me "You are way too uptight about this. You are doing fine."
So when I finally got a typical ICU patient, I was even more lost. I asked a lot of questions as usual. My preceptor was passively-aggressive rude and condescending mixed with niceness and praise. He told me I did a good job even though I told him I did not realize I missed a lot of info in report from the nurse in the OR. So of course the oncoming nurse ripped me apart in report and I still stood my ground and did not allow her to intimidate me. Towards the end, she was nicer and gave me some advice. And my preceptor said I did a good job. Hunh?
I am trying my hardest to see where I am doing a good job. With keeping the patient alive? documentation? giving medications safely? I am having a hard time with getting my report to be ICU perfect, keeping up with the documentation while handling all the orders and issues that arise with the one or two patients.
I constantly feel overwhelmed and stressed. Many nights I don't even make it to my bed because I come in the door exhausted with sore feet and fall asleep in the fall. I am feeling like the ICU may not be for me even though everyone has such positive things to say about me.
So seasoned, fellow ICU nurses, am I being to hard on myself? Is this the case of beginner's blues? Or am I just not cut-out for the ICU rigamarow? lol.
