True to my form..I ended up with my back against a financial wall and ended up accepting a position that I did not want and knew, from the beginning, the schedule and what the job entailed was a mistake. But since I spent the latter part of the summer in a quagmire of depression and anxiety that took over to the point of barely functioning, I have a pile of late bills that need to get paid so I took what job I could get.
Fast forward to today, the M-F 8-5 schedule, for me, isn't working. I knew it wouldn't - for a variety of reasons, the job itself is at a company that, even on this site, has 99% negative feedback and I completely understand why. My training has been a joke, though the coworkers are nice, there are definitely cliques among them - just as some posts about this company have stated. The person is charge is inexperienced in many ways for the position they hold which makes matters worse but I can deal with all that. What I can't deal with is still, several weeks in, not really knowing/understanding what I am suppose to be doing - and I ask - a LOT - other than "observing" and riding along with someone to "observe" more. Ok, I'm getting paid so I shouldn't complain I guess but, mental health issues create a lot of instability at times and having a job that is also unstable at a company that is struggling to keep clients, it doesn't help.
I am already hitting the want ads which, as those of you who deal with chronic mental health issues knows, only adds fuel to the fire. My spouse has made comments about me being gone so much now (my spouse works 12 hr shifts) and it's true, we are seeing much less of each other. I seem to be caught in a self sabotaging web.I live in a rural setting so options, even for those who don't deal with a mental illness, are limited at best. We are coming into the holiday season which will slow hiring down. I have NO choice but to get up and go to this job until I can find something more balanced. And right now, as down and helpless as I feel, it's hard to see beyond this job and the additional stresses it has caused.
Thanks for reading my vent.