First of all....BREATHE.............
Boy, do I ever know what you mean by self-sabotage; I could write a book on it. But your being in this situation doesn't mean you are actually sabotaging yourself; you took this job because you were desperate and it was what was available to you at that time. Please don't fault yourself for that.
OK, so you knew the job would more than likely be a disaster and walked into it anyway. Sometimes we have to do things like this, not just out of desperation but because we need to test our mettle and see what we're made of. The fact that you are STILL going in to work each morning, even though the job is turning out to be pretty much what you predicted, shows that you are stronger than you know.
Still, you don't want to let it take over your life while you look for other possibilities. Somehow, you have to compartmentalize and put your job in its place, which I'm assuming is 8 hours out of a 24-hour day. What will you do with those other 16 hours to nourish yourself so you can face the rat race? Eat, sleep, play with your dog if you have one, read a book, soak your stress away in the bathtub, get a massage, talk with family or good friends, pray/meditate, exercise, see a movie, cook, play with your kids if you have them, get on the computer and talk to us.......the possibilities are endless!
That's not to say that you shouldn't look for something better suited to you, but as you know, you need to manage your current stress or it will literally drive you crazy, as it did me earlier this year. I hope you have a therapist who can help you think things through and give you some better stress-relief techniques, and/or a doctor who can also adjust your medications as needed while you're figuring out what to do next. Just remember: a mistake is nothing more than evidence that someone has tried to DO something. You could have sat at home, bemoaning your fate and believing that your illness makes you unable to work at all, but you didn't. You could have tried to get on disability, but you didn't. No, you took a job that you knew would be a mistake and you've tried your hardest to make it work. Nobody would judge you for that, so why ever would you judge yourself?
More (((((hugs))))) to you. I really do wish you the best.