Overwhelming emotions right now

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I think most of it stems from my inability to organize myself this time. I have to be meticulous or my ADHD gets out of control and things don't get handed in. I finally figured things out the second attempt at college and did well with my pre reps, but every time I go to our school website I find yet another random link with more stuff I didn't know about with more due dates, on top of scheduling lab demos and the second apts. where we show them what they showed us in demo.

Today I showed up three hours early for clinical because I got confused with the times. Better early than late I suppose but still. Nothing is centralized in the syllabus and even the better organizers of my class are stressed with how spread out assignments are. With my ADHD I'm I wreck right now. My anxiety is through the roof and I'm scared the next thing I misunderstand is going to cost me late points. Or affect my grade.

In lecture I was thoroughly confused about something and finally piped up to ask. The instructor snapped at me "haven't you listened to a thing I've said?!" well, yes, but it was contradicting things to me. It snapped something in me. I don't know why. I've never had this happen internally even with teachers that I think are mean or rude. But since it happened I haven't been able to talk to my professors without stuttering and shaking.I am a mess right now and keep having panic attacks. I don't know why.

This isn't as hard as some of my other collegiate classes thus far, but I'm terrified right now and I think it all has to do with the organization. My husband nailed some of it tonight. He said that I'm great when I have an established routine, but I crash when anything veers from normal. I started crying. He's right. And the thing is, even if I stress, if I have that routine I can work through the changes. I think it's that there is no real established routine. Maybe? I don't have a set lab time. And lecture times have been random these first few weeks. I know lecture will self resolve. Lab is different every week, so I can't resolve that.

Maybe I'm just rambling. I may not even find solutions. I want to go back to the doctor to try a different ADHD Ned, but I have new insurance and have to wait a year before trying something new, Ritalin knocks me out cold on th slowest dose (so much for it being a stimulant). Adderal makes me focus, but once my routine is messed with I get violent. They want me to try concerta, but it's 150 a month and I can't afford it, but ugh.

It's just overwhelming right now. I keep telling myself I got through a bachelors degree without meds, albeit not with good grades, but I did ok with my return and the pre reqs. I should be able to get through this with the tactics I learned to help me focus with my pre reqs. Well, if you got through this thanks. Forgive any typos. I type too fast for my iPad sometimes.

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Sorry for the huge chunk of text. I didn't format it that way. It reformats when I hit submit for some reason.

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Get yourself a large day-timer-ish calendar so you can write out everything tht you need to do for the week. and plenty of sticky notes.

It's helping me so far. It is extremely overwhelming. I'm only in week 3 and I'm still trying to keep up.

Best of luck!

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I have a large calendar. Figuring out what's where so I can write it down is my problem. It actually has a monthly view, a place for major projects due, and a daily calendar that takes up two pages, with time separated into fifteen minute increments. It's how I structure my days to allot for study time.

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