Have you ever had one of those moments when you just couln't take one more hit from life without imploding? This is where I am right now. I'm not sure how to pull myself out of this funk I'm in right now. I have four weeks till third semester finals and I'm just fighting for every step I take. I know its depression, but can't seem to snap myself out of it even though logically I can see what is happening.
I'm a third semester ADN NS student taking additional classes for my BSN. Three weeks ago I took a hard fall out my back door and injured myself pretty badly when I fell (full weight) to my knees across the edge of the cement step. I thought I'd broke my leg, but didn't go to the hospital because I knew that would get me kicked of clinicals. Finally went a couple of days later (after lots of pain), and the doc thought I'd injured my ACL. Found out today that it's within normal parameters, but it still burns under the patella and feels like I have an ace bandage wrapped around it. Whatever, I guess I'll get over it.
My beloved siamese vanished from my home on Halloween. She was an inside cat who rarely went outside without me because she was afraid. I've had her for ten years and miss her so much. I've not been able to get anything done since, I failed the endocrine test on Wednesday and now I'm on the verge of failing. I have a 75.2 (75 is passing).
On Thursday I failed the math practicum which was stupid because I've not failed any of the math since I've been in the program. I have another chance on Wednesday to pass it before being removed from the program. This added failure has just about got me paralyzed with fear.
Thursday night after failing the practicum and enduring three hours of lecture, I come home to find my husband on the couch with a brand new tiger stripped kitten on his chest. I burt into tears and sobbed for 20 minutes. While it has to be one of the sweetest gestures my very unsweet husband has ever done, he doesn't understand that you cant just replace one cat for another and make it all better.
I want my Dorky kitty, the one who has been with me since before I was a wife, a mother, and a nursing student. I want my friend back, who travelled with me from Oklahoma to NC and then back to Mo. The one who used to sit on my lap while typing to allnurses and reading all the things that happen here. I'm crushed and I don't know how to get over it swiftly so I can get the things done that have to be done before the end of the semester. I know I have to do something, it's just so hard though to let go.
Thanks for listening my friends. I just needed to vent a little before kicking myself in the butt. I've got to pull myself up out of this before I fail, because at this point in my life, failure is not an option I can successfully navigate.
Moderators please let me know how I can change my screen name because I'm no longer a SiamCat1, I am a SiamCat0 and would like to not be reminded of my lost friend.
