Meltdown

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    I have 8 weeks left, 8 weeks until I begin the 12 month journey that will complete my education in nursing. Up until now I have been saying nothing is going to stop me, get me down, and I have been over the top excited. I got smacked in the face reality for some reason today, I guess it was realizing that less than 8 weeks from now my son (who is special needs) will be attending daycare. I mean, I knew it was going to happen but it REALLY hit me today how much I am going to miss his sweet little face all day and night. I have been the main one taking care of him and all of his needs 24/7 from day 1. I have been so involved in his care, I really honestly don't know how to hand over the reigns to his daycare provider and my husband. It is so emotionally hard for me. I know he will be great at the daycare because it is a special needs daycare that is top notch (they had over a two year waiting list-I just got in because his therapists work there so he had an automatic in), but I am just crying and crying thinking about leaving him. He is 20 months and not able to walk yet...this has been what his PT and me have been working with him for months to achieve and I realized it is likely I will miss it and it kills me to think about that

    My first semester I will have class all day and then a class in the evening and because I live an hour away from my school, I probably will not come home until everyone is in bed. It is going to wreck me emotionally to only see my son on the weekends. I know everyone on this board has been through some form "mourning" once they started nursing school...whether it be for their family, social life, husbands, etc...HOW DO YOU DEAL? I am not even in nursing school yet and I am already a blubbery baby. Oh geez. I guess I will get past it and it is after all only a year but I really need some encouragement right now....
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    it will be the same when you go to work as well. Yes, it is hard. That is why some woment prefer to stay home till their children are older. But you certainly can do it if you have support from family and friends. Everything you learn in nursing can be used at home.
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    I'd also take the time to talk to your child's therapists. It is often very beneficial for children to get out of the home and engage with other kids, other adults, and other settings. It's good for their heads in the same way that getting out of the house for education and work is good for adults' heads. Since they already know him, they will be in a good position to help you see the advantages, hear how they manage these transitions, and point out his successes.

    This doesn't mean that your child will love you less, not at all. It means that he will have even more resources and be learning in an age-appropriate way the first steps of how to make his way in the world. This is what we all want for our children no matter what their abilities, isn't it?
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    Thank you both! It is going to be harder on me than him, I know. He is going into a wonderful environment where he will be taken care of by some very patient and loving people and he will be mentally and physically challenged daily which gives me comfort. I think he needs to be around other children his age, it may give him that push to move forward and learn social skills which I cannot teach him at home. I feel as if my heartache about this whole thing is very selfish because I know he will be better off in the environment he is going into...it is me that will miss him and hurt because I do not see him every day all day, not necessarily him. I am doing this for him, and I need to just keep that in mind constantly to help get me through. I have a very loving a supportive husband that I know can take very good care of him in my absence as well so I need to get a grip, lol. My heart is just breaking thinking about leaving him but I hope that feeling will be replaced by even more love and appreciation for him, my husband, and his therapists. I know nursing will open up so many doors for me to not only help him but other children that are like him and that is what I hope to do with my education.

    It is tough putting those big girl panties on and being an adult. I can do it though! thanks for the encouraging words!
    GrnTea likes this.
  7. 0
    Hi! I too have been dealing with some mommy guilt / anxiety. My situation is dissimilar to yours because my children have no special needs (other than being used to mommy) and mine are all in school. But they have never really attended other than mother care. Because I am in a full time program, for the first time ever, I can not pick my kids up from school and drop them off each day.

    We are also going through a divorce and my kids had to switch schools and move several times in the last year and so I have cried and cried over what they are experiencing.

    I try to focus on the specific benefits to them once I graduate.

    I also constantly remind myself that not having me there all of the time will not kill them or harm them.

    I also pray to God to be with them when I can't. And he has.

    I try to be there for my kids when I can without over extending myself.

    I started nursing school only 2 weeks ago.


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