Managing Life Outside of School

[QueenAnnissa]

I am about to enter the 1st semester of an ADN program and I'm curious how others with families manage home life. I'm married with 4 children, a 13 y.o. son, a 9 y.o. son, a 5 y.o. daughter and a 1 y.o. daughter. My husband is self-employed and runs a small manufacturing business in the converted barn on our property. (So he's physically close by, most of the time.)

We live in a small farmhouse, that we love, but where nothing is level and something always needs to be fixed. I have been a stay at home mom for most of my children's lives. I currently am fortunate to be able to concentrate solely on school and family. I love school and enjoy learning, always have, and get a kick out of doing something finally that I've always wanted to do.

My question is: How do you keep up with your families and their needs and your home during the nursing program?

I have to clean everyday to keep up with all of us and there is laundry, dishes, dinner, grocery shopping, bath times and bedtime stories, football practice and dance class, teachers conferences and kids homework. (And a million other things, right?)

I have a supportive husband who does a lot with the kids, especially their extracurricular activities, and he likes cooking dinner. He's enormously busy with his business, although it does slow down some from November through February/March. But there is still a lot going on and basically I'm really the only one doing the assorted cleaning and keeping up with the constant clutter (and who cares if it gets done, by the way) and it's draining at times.

I've got my syllabus and course guide for the 1st semester and I am now truly aware of what I'm going to need to do to be successful over the next 2 years. I am just wondering how our not-so-little-family is going to survive this!

I also have managed studying and doing my schoolwork at a table in the den of our house, but it's right smack in the middle of everyone and there isn't truly a way to avoid the constant interruptions. (Which sucks when your rhythm is broken in the middle of a paper or learning a difficult microbiology concept, for instance.)

Sometimes I would wait until everyone went to bed but then I'm only good for a couple hours, at most, before I'm falling asleep at my desk. I also would occasionally get up at 5am and work for a few hours before everyone is up but I truly do not operate well without enough sleep. (who does, right?) Our small house doesn't give me many options for a study space, which sucks. And we live in a rural area that is about a half-hour from school, so there aren't a lot of places I could go for several hours at a time to study.

I guess I'm just trying to sort through this all in my head and comparing it to life during pre-reqs and we had some tough times here and there, but it wasn't ever too bad. I got the laundry done, made it to the football games and dance class, we had a homemade meal more often than not, even if it wasn't fancy. The house wasn't a complete disaster and it didn't feel like hubby and I were fighting more than usual, LOL!

I have a 3.8 GPA, and school has come easily to me so far. I was a supplemental instructor for A&P I and A&P II, I am the VP of our school's Health Professions Club, and I enjoy doing something I'm good at, who doesn't?! I think I'm in for a big shock when the nursing program begins because I've heard so often how much more difficult it is, how formerly 'A' student's grades drop and how differently you need to approach the material. (Critical thinking, application of knowledge, analysis and synthesis of material, etc.)

I guess mainly I'm worried that all these balls I have in the air are going to come crashing down. I know that I have an expectation for myself to continue to succeed in school, but is it going to come at a cost?

[QueenAnnissa]

I may not have prepared my family enough for the transition that is going to need to occur. When I was solely a SAHM, I pretty much did everything for everyone, and my oldest and husband would always help whenever I would ask, or for big stuff like holidays or parties, etc. After I started pre-reqs while pregnant with my youngest, they did help out a lot more because I needed the help and I would ask more. So we've kind of been running along with that system but I don't think anyone else 'sees' or really knows all there is to-do. I tried to keep as much on my plate as I could because I felt bad enough already that I was gone for school or study time, and that I wasn't contributing financially. I guess I'm not sure how to hand over the reins so things still get taken care of without my involvement. If I don't ask (or tell them strongly!) they don't do it. I don't want to fight about it all semester, but I fear this is going to happen. It's hard to argue with the man who is the sole bread-winner. He has a lot on his plate as well, being self-employed in this economy with a family of 6 to support. I get stressed out when the house is a mess and it seems to happen fast with 4 kids and a tiny house. I can deal with way less than perfection, I'm not a neat freak, but the kitchen and bathroom have to stay fairly decent, laundry needs to get done, we need to keep the fridge & pantry full & the kids need to keep their toys, books & school & sports stuff somewhat organized or else we can't do what we need to on a day to day basis.

[LoveNeverDies]

13, 9, and 5 are plenty old enough to do chores! If you find yourself having to constantly ask instead of them thinking of something to do, try a chore list with designated days. (I do not have children but I have taken care of many young children while their parents worked, 5 days a week often 7-5.) The parents all loved this set up, and i enjoyed teaching the kids to be responsible. (Often, the kids would be better organized and told their parents they had no idea how much they had been doing for them!) For instance, if you want the bathroom cleaned once a week then decide the day and split it so each kid can do it every other week. (Or if one kids wants to do that and the other prefers taking out the trash every time you can do that also.) I used a star system. I had a little chart and for each time they did a chore well, without being reminded, they got a star. At 5-10 stars (depending on chore difficulty and age) they got a treat. Perhaps going to the icecream store, renting a redbox movie of their choice, or picking out a small gift at walmart. Anything that will let them feel rewarded. The 5 year old obviously cannot do most chores, but you can have them pick up all their toys at the end of each day, or small simple tasks like that. Frozen meals or Crockpot meals are a great idea. Make sure to have a good calendar and organize everything, you can even color code school/home. That helps with school projects (yours and the kids), sport events, and your exams. Also I would suggest using the library or a classroom during any breaks between classes or even simply staying after class for an hour or so to review your information. Reviewing notes within 24 hours of lecture is proven to help your retention rates. Good Luck!

[dawnand1son]

I did the same thing. I have a 13 and 9 year old. They are very capable of helping out. The 13 year old has actually learned that she is a very decent cook, and my 9 year old loves to mop and fold laundry. We all sat down together, and they chose the chores they thought they would like, and be good at. Turns out they are becoming quite self sufficient. My 13 year old is even learning to babysit, and become CPR and babysitter certified through the red cross. I mean we want our children to be able to be self sufficient at some time. Its all a learning process, and the sooner they learn it the better they are. Give them a chance to show their full potential in the family unit:) It actually gives them pride and confidence!

[rubato, ASN, RN]

Stay at home mom of a now 13 year old and a very dependent husband. I made it through my first year of nursing school, but it was so much more than I expected. I have, in the past, taken up to 18 credit hours of prereqs, but my nursing classes were SO much harder.

Here's what didn't work:

A perfectly clean house. I had very high expectations for the cleanliness of my house. My husband and son couldn't keep it up to that level. I had to let it go.

Super healthy eating. My husband just couldn't manage it. He only knows how to make about 10-20 things, with only 1 being even remotely happy.

Homemade lunches for my son. It became much easier to just let him buy lunch.

Making it to all his sporting events. He's in 2 sports at a time. I had to work it out with other parents to take him, and hope that he would understand.

Studying in my dining room. It worked fine for all my prereqs, but nursing school is so much more in depth. I had to create a make shift office in my bedroom and close the door.

What did work:

A 13 year old can do his own laundry! Who woulda thought? He did a great job and handled cleaning his rooms with no problem. He can also mow the yard which took a huge weight off of me.

My 13 year old could also wake himself up, get dressed, get his own breakfast, and walk to school without me. I have always been a controlling mom, and he showed me that I didn't need to be anymore.

My husband was actually capable of errands and doing dishes, which I also never would have thought possible. He has even asked me to let him handle it all this year. And, I'm going to.

I struggled immensely in the beginning, but after they figured it out, it's been a fantastic learning experience for us all. We are better off for it.

[DisneyNurseGal, BSN, RN]

The main thing that I had to come to terms with when I started Nursing School is that I can not do it all... something has to give. Meaning, my house won't be as clean as I like it, dinner some nights may be in my office hunched over my laptop, I may miss a school function for my kids, etc. It is a sacrifice on everyone's part, but it sounds like you have a supportive husband. My husband is my rock, and no way I could do school without him. DON'T neglect him tho!! My hubby and I have date nights once a month that I schedule out based on school stuff AND sometimes he will come into my office and surprise me and call "QUICK DATE" and no matter what, I have to stop what I am doing and go with him for 15 minutes. Sometimes, we go grab an ice cream cone, other times he has a glass of wine waiting for me on the patio.

You just need to prioritize. Maybe you won't vacuum every other day - it might have to go to once every 3-4 days, things like that.

[QueenAnnissa]

Thanks so much everyone for all of your replies. I really appreciate you sharing your stories with me, and knowing others are going through the same kinds of thoughts and issues. (I am so glad to have found this website! I have learned so much here from the time I first started thinking about school, through the application process, during pre-reqs, and now on the eve of beginning the nursing program. It's been so amazing to have this resource along the journey!)

Several of you have made great points, there is a huge benefit to my children by allowing them to gain responsibility and independence. Great opportunity here as well to practice that "patient teaching" aspect of nursing, right? I wish I had started the process earlier but I'm going to focus for now on creating a chore chart/to-do list/sign up sheet and creating a quiet, private place to study, as well as plan out meals. School starts next Monday!

[jyoppiniRN]

Just remember to breath and take time for family. Balance is important

[kelsey.bresnahan]

Agreed, balance is the most important. You can do it... you won't be able to accomplish much if you don't have a good balance. You'll be stressed. It's good to take even a five minute break for yourself. And good luck with your kids starting school! When they see you working so hard, they'll know what to do when they are adults.

[jz77]

I have four children, as well. During my semesters my husband cooks dinners. While he is cooking I run around as fast as I can and clean the mess from the day...sometimes I even get the older ones to help out. After dinner, my husband gets the baths/showers started while I clean the dishes and lay out the clothes for the next day. Having a supportive partner is HUGE!

Carefully choose a study partner or small group who will really use their time wisely and stay at school between classes or after class any time possible!! Any studying that you can get done without the kids around is 10x's better! I used to try to study in my bedroom on the weekends and quickly learned that this did not work. If my kids knew I was home then I would definitely be interrupted!

Nursing school is hard and you are going to have weeks that are busier than others, but I can honestly say that I made it to all the baseball, football, and soccer games. My husband and I have certain shows that we love, so Saturday night would be our night to watch t.v. Shows that we taped.

You will probably have times where you feel guilty for not being able to be there for everything your kids are involved in(this September I will be missing my daughters first day of K ) but you are making a tremendous sacrifice for your family and setting a great example too! If you find yourself feeling bad just remember that! It is all worth it when your kids come home from school excited to hear about what you got on your latest exam!

One last bit of advice....stay ahead if you can! Keep up with assignments and don't procrastinate! After every lecture go over your notes for ten or fifteen minutes and do the same every night before bed...this makes studying that much easier because everything will be more and more familiar. Good luck!

[JoyN-RobWilcox]

you sound exactly like me! big family, farm life, work lol. I have a patio set outside that I sit at while the kids play, when it's nice out. when it's cold it I bundle then up and watch them from kitchen counter, perched on a stool, cup of coffee in hand lol. if you had your two older ones help with the two younger ones, you could inventivize them;) that's what I do. it works well :-) my kids are 1-2-4 &12. so they are pretty needy at most times but they do know when I saw I just have to do something it's mom time. they eat lots of pbj sandwiches and hot dogs but that's not going to kill them by any means.

try to get a few extra minutes or hours on campus to do the big stuff and finish what you can later. talk to the hubby, I'm betting he wants to to succeed as much as you do so see what you can work out :-) our other half can sometimes see a solution where we can't and vice versa

best of luck to you, you'll do great!!!

[psullivan95]

1) Learn to say no without feeling guilty. "No, I can't attend the birthday party this weekend. I have finals". Period.

2) Sometimes the house will need to be messy and the laundry will have to wait. Shelves may get dusty, so what?

3) Easy meals. Make them ahead of time and freeze them if you have to. Kids can microwave.

4) Everyone pitches in to help around the house. Make a chart. Include dusting shelves. No exceptions.

5) You are investing in an education that will have a huge payout. It may feel like it will take 100 years but the time will fly.

6) Stop and smell the roses from time to time to keep your sanity. Then get back to studying!

[springchick1, ADN, RN]

I take Saturday's off. Well, that't not exactly true because I have clinicals on Saturday but once I am done with clinicals for the day, I don't study or do any school work that afternoon or evening. I work 40+ hours a week and have to work late 2 of those days. I have class 2 days a week from 5:30-8:30 and I study after work. Sundays I go to church and then spend the rest of the day doing school work. So Saturday is my day for me! I see family, friends, I TRY to catch up on sleep. It has worked for me so far so and it's just how I have to do things.