First of all, I just wanted to say that I am a really really nice person. I am kind, and generous when I can afford to be. I'm the kind of person that pulls over to help someone push their car off the side of the road when no one else will stop, while at work and in the midst of snow storms I clean off the cars of all the pregnant women so they don't have to do it. I am thoughtful and courteous.
However, I flipped out at work yesterday!
To make a long story short, I work in the day time in a really small locomotive parts sales office (there are only 5 of us) doing typing and being the receptionist, then take a class or two in the evenings.
It is not my ideal job. It's very slow and I'll go days on end not actually doing anything and it takes about 1/2 a brain cell, but it pays the bills and allows me to go to school at night.
But, I have to put up with a lot of CR-- here. They are very sexist and just down right rude. It's obvious that I am treated like an idiot because I am a woman, "You'll just get pregnant and leave anyway.", etc. etc. I even have to put up with Mediaography and naked pictures of women that they send to each via email and lots of rude and snide comments about where I live because it is a "blue collar" neighborhood and not a higher SES like the one's they live in.
Anyway, last week we had a pretty bad snowstorm in the morning and I was 4 hours late to work because it was an unexpected snow storm and most communitys were late in getting the streets plowed and salted.
And then yesterday I was 2.5 hours late because we had an ice storm right at AM rush hour and I couldn't get out of my garage. Now, normally I would bust my hump to get into any job on time, especially if it was a nursing job, but I don't feel the need to risk my safety trying to get into this job because I don't really do anything and I just don't think it's worth my safety for my measly pay check. Plus, I don't get paid for the time I miss. I either have to use my vacation time or just not get paid.
So, last week I had to take my lumps from my co-workers about getting to work late due to the snow. "It's because you live in that cheap neighborhood and they can't affort to plow the streets, etc." And then yesterday when I came in I got it all over again from one of the guys in the office. The rest were all out traveling on business.
I don't know what happened, I just flipped out on him.
I was swearing like a sailor and getting all worked up which I normally don't do. I told him that they were all a bunch of Frigging "Di-K Heads" and if they wanted to fire me they could go ahead and find some stupid A Hole that would come in when there was 5 inches of snow on the ground. That's about all I can remember, although I know there was much more to it, but these things were just flailing out of my mouth.
And then I looked him in the eye and HE started to cry! At that point I stopped and said I was sorry that I took all of it out on him. But that's all I said. I really wasn't sorry that I did it. I felt kind of drained afterward but glad too.
I don't know what happened. Even though other people may be rude and low brow or un-professional I always try to maintain the manners I was brought up with, except obviously this time.
Please tell me that I am not the only one this has happened to.
Really, I am a very nice person, but I guess what scares me is that I feel like I have changed in some way. Normally, I would never have done anything like that or at least been sorry about it. But I just don't care, I don't feel the least bit sorry and you know what, if they did fire me, I wouldn't care, I would be better for it. (Although, I know they won't fire me. I really don't think this guy would tell anyone what happened.)
I guess I just feel like I'm not going to put up with needless Poo any longer.
