First patient death

[sbostonRN]

Today at clinical in a hospice facility, I experienced my first death. She was a sweet woman who had been deteriorating for the past week or so. I didn't know her when she was able to walk and talk. I had been in to visit her earlier in the shift but she just slept a lot.

Another student and I went in to reposition her. They told us to lower the head of the bed and raise the bed, to make it easier to turn her. When we lowered the head of the bed, she started gurgling and her breathing became labored. I raised the head of the bed, and started talking to her, explaining what was happening and what I was going to do next. We called for the nurse on duty, and I sat there and stroked her hand and told her who we were and that we were there for her. I reminded her that she was not alone. She then opened her eyes wide and looked at me, then at the other student. She took one last big breath and then stopped breathing. About 15 seconds later, she took another breath, and then her chest went still. I remained by her side for a few more minutes, stroking her hand and talking quietly to her. Then the nurse had us clean up the room and make it presentable for the family to come in and visit with her.

I didn't expect my first experience to be in nursing school, and I didn't expect to feel so numb. When it happened, I didn't really feel sad, which made me think I was a cold-hearted person for not crying. But now it's sort of sinking in.

I just wanted to share. If anyone has any words of wisdom or experiences to share, I'm glad to hear.

[J9G2008]

I think it was wonderful that God put you there so she would have some comfort as she drew her last breath.

As for not crying, why would you? I'm not much of a cryer (not anymore anyway) and if she was someone you did not know, why would you cry? I can understand being respectful and quiet, but I probably wouldn't have cried either.

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

do not feel that you are cold-hearted. you were not emotionally attached to this person and that is why you didn't cry. believe me, when someone you love dies, you will cry and feel plenty of sadness.

i was in attendance for the last breath of many patients and it happened in much the same way as it happened for this lady. take solace in knowing that you did everything correctly. death is a part of the life cycle. there is nothing that would have stopped this from happening. i always felt bad if i wasn't in the room when a patient expired. nursing has given me a great respect for life. i changed my views on the death sentence and euthanasia after witnessing so many people fighting to live and yet still having no choice but to succumb to death.

[ChristineN, BSN, RN]

SBoston, I've been working in direct pt care, and I handle every death differentally. Some of the elderly, that have lived a long life, I found it easy to accept. However, I have been known to bawl like a baby when someone I got attached to is near death. Don't feel guilty because you didn't cry. It sounds like you did what you needed to do to make this woman's last few moments comfortable. :)

[iluvivt, BSN, RN]

You did beautifully....WELCOME to nursing

[medfieldgal]

Do you think nurses who have a fear of death can feel more at ease by being exposed to this?

[maebe]

I also had my first patient death this week...it was my first patient ever! So I was shocked that it happened so soon in my clinical experience. The way that I look at it is that it was an honor to help her and be with her in her last moments. She died beautifully with her family at her side. I also felt that maybe I was cold-hearted because I didn't cry, however, I think it's important to be the calm in that moment, especially if the family is very upset.

[NiesyLuv0o]

You had a great experience. Luckily she had you to comfort her in her last seconds of life. I wish my experience was like that. My first death, I cried (I am very sensitive to people's feeling). I felt sad about her family, but she was 93y/o and was suffering. I had her 2 weeks in a row on my clinical rotations, so I knew her family. The doctors wanted her on hospice, but familiy insisted. I was happy to see her move on though. I haven't seen another death, but I am not use to it. Only 3 more semesters to go, so I will be coming upon more death. I hope I can become use to it...

[cebe385RN]

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