2nd Degree BSN -- Now or Later?

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    I'm really new on these boards, and I just wanted to get advice from people who have more experience than me. I've read a lot of threads about military wives pursuing nursing degrees, and long distance relationships, and I just don't know which route to take.

    I've signed myself up for my pre-reqs for an accelerated nursing program. I know which school I'd like to go to, but my issue is timing; I have to turn in the application at least a year before I'd like to start. I am in a long-distance relationship with an officer in the Air Force and he wants me to move out to be with him when I am finished with my pre-reqs (in December.)

    I know I have a lot of options to weigh here:

    1) Tell him "not yet," turn in my application for the school I want to go to here, and then wait for my courses to start (about a year and a half, at least, until they start... then a year of school) and hope we last through that time.

    2) Move out to be with him with the pre-reqs under my belt. I don't want to attend nursing school where he is, because there are only 2 accelerated programs there and the NCLEX pass-rates are (from what I've heard and read) terrible. His suggestion is that we get married, and when his time is up where he is, he goes for an ROTC job back where we're from (and where I want to go to school) so that I can still attend the school -- and with his help (monetarily and emotionally.)

    I really would love to become a nurse. The work excites me, and I love the idea of being able to support myself or being able to contribute to the income of my family. But, I also love my guy and he is the person I want to be with. He's my best friend, and it's hard to be apart all the time.

    I'm 23 years old, almost 24. I don't know why I feel so rushed, but I feel like now is the time to get the degree -- but the idea of putting more strain on our relationship (we've already been long distance for a year) breaks my heart. Am I rushing the degree? Should I just wait a couple of years?

    Any advice?
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  3. 9 Comments so far...

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    What is more important for you? School or your relationship?

    This would be easy for me-- I will put school above a relationship (mainly because I am young). Plus, I don't believe in living with a boyfriend/fiancee until the day I get married. Too much dependency going on if I move to be with a person.
  5. 0
    Quote from tokyoROSE
    What is more important for you? School or your relationship?

    This would be easy for me-- I will put school above a relationship (mainly because I am young). Plus, I don't believe in living with a boyfriend/fiancee until the day I get married. Too much dependency going on if I move to be with a person.
    If I move out, we are getting married. He's just settled in at his new base, and he's ready for me to be there with him. I'm checking it out next week (I've never been to the Southwest, so I'll see if I even like it or not)

    I feel like a few years ago, this would have been an easy decision: school. But after already going through my 4 (okay, 5) years of undergrad and getting a (useless) degree and having had my fair share of relationships, I know that this is the person I want to be with. Has anyone else had to make this decision?
  6. 1
    Quote from OutOfStateKate
    I feel like a few years ago, this would have been an easy decision: school. But after already going through my 4 (okay, 5) years of undergrad and getting a (useless) degree and having had my fair share of relationships, I know that this is the person I want to be with. Has anyone else had to make this decision?
    I can relate. We're the same age. I am in a long-distance relationship because I wanted to pursue an accelerated nursing program. I went straight from my first degree into nursing school. We just hit the 4-year mark on our relationship and 1.5 years of that has been long-distance. I love my boyfriend, but I felt I might resent him if I let him keep me from doing what I felt was best for me. I live by this quote from The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho: "You must understand that love never keeps a man from pursuing his Personal Legend. If he abandons that pursuit, it's because it wasn’t true love..."
    OutOfStateKate likes this.
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    I think part of the reason I'm so on the fence about making a decision is because it took us so long to get together - we've known each other for almost 11 years, and he was crazy about me for 2 years before we started dating. It's been long distance since we decided we wanted to be together. It was easy when it was just a 6 hour drive, but now that it's a plane ride or nothing...

    And I wish I was going straight from my 1st degree. I graduated in December, but only really decided I wanted to try this about a month ago. My timing is just such a mess in all aspects of my life right now, and I don't know what direction to go in.

    Thank you for your advice and personal stories. I guess I'll get my pre-reqs and apply, and then decide.
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    Please don't take this the wrong way, but you're 23/24, and that's still really young. You have no idea how much you (and your boyfriend) are going to change in the next few years. Your 20s are all about finding out who you are, trying new things, and growing as a person.

    The best case scenario is that you and your boyfriend will grow in complementary ways and end up together regardless. More likely, you'll find some new differences that may or may not affect your relationship.

    Don't forget that no one goes into a marriage planning to get divorced. I know you can't imagine that happening to you, but it happens every day to people like you, in relationships like yours. Multiple studies show that the earlier you marry, the more likely you are to divorce. http://www.divorcerate.org/ http://www.suite101.com/content/divo...-later-a129099

    My advice is hope for the best, but plan for the worst. Do your prereqs and your accelerated program where you are, or at the best school you can find. Take the next 3-4 years to focus on getting yourself ahead. 3-4 years seems like a lot, but you'll be so busy it will go by like that! After that, you'll be able to contribute a lot to your family, or support yourself if the relationship doesn't work.

    Again, I can't stress enough how much you and your boyfriend are going to change and grow in the next few years, and how unpredictable life is. I really hope everything works out for you two, but putting your life on hold for a relationship is a huge risk. Before you decide to get married, you need to have a 100% secure way to support yourself, and your potential children, if the relationship doesn't work.
    Last edit by rocket surgery on Apr 14, '11
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    Why not get hitched, work on your prereqs where ever you are going to be for the next few years and apply to the school you will be near when he makes his next career transition, or even a school in where you move too and one 'back home.' Let us know what you decide!
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    Go get married, be with your guy and take your program where he is ( there must be at least one worthwhile school) or wait till you move back to where you are from. Education is great but love is the zest of life. If you have been lucky enough to find your true love don't let him slip away...not everyone finds a true love in their short lifespan (and yes we humans have a very short lifespan in the realm of spacetime continuum).
    newRNstudent02 likes this.
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    I can't give advice on the relationship aspect. That's such an individual thing and not knowing you or the situation makes it impossible to say. My one piece of advice is to suggest you also look at traditional BSN (vs accelerated) programs. I have a prior degree and initially I only looked at accelerated programs. My circumstances are very differt from yours though. It's just something to keep in mind. The accelerated programs allow one to finish quicker but tend to cost more and are also are more difficult to get into. Most of the time the prerequisites are the same as accelerated programs and if you already have one degree you likely will only have to take nursing courses. My program will be 5 semesters (hoping I will get my acceptance letter soon).

    Best wishes. Oh and the southwest is beautiful if you can take the heat. I'm near Tucson and really love the desert -esp. In the Spring.
    pitaya likes this.
  12. 0
    Quote from NomadMomma
    Best wishes. Oh and the southwest is beautiful if you can take the heat. I'm near Tucson and really love the desert -esp. In the Spring.
    I second that. Tucson is lovely!!!


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