What's the funniest thing a patient ever said?

  1. I need a little humor this morning. I'd be interested in hearing about the funniest thing you ever heard a patient say! :chuckle

    Status post CABG w/ aortic valve replacement on PCA pump:
    "There's a pig over there on that wall."
    RN "What kind of pig?"
    "A regular pig."
    RN "What color is it?"
    "It's a wall colored pig."
    RN "Why are you seeing pigs?"
    "Because I got a piggy valve!"

    Cardioversion:
    Patient finally drifts off to la la land due to sedation.
    Cardiologist hits shock.
    Patient jumps up in the bed . . . "Ohh! That was a premature ejaculation!"
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