What's the funniest thing a patient ever said?

[MistyDawnRN06, BSN, RN]

I need a little humor this morning. I'd be interested in hearing about the funniest thing you ever heard a patient say! :chuckle

Status post CABG w/ aortic valve replacement on PCA pump:

"There's a pig over there on that wall."

RN "What kind of pig?"

"A regular pig."

RN "What color is it?"

"It's a wall colored pig."

RN "Why are you seeing pigs?"

"Because I got a piggy valve!" :rotfl:

Cardioversion:

Patient finally drifts off to la la land due to sedation.

Cardiologist hits shock.

Patient jumps up in the bed . . . "Ohh! That was a premature ejaculation!" :rotfl: