What makes someone decide to take her own life? A nurse contemplates the stigma still attached, almost 30 years after her own suicide attempt. Most of the nursing community, the Christian community, even the general public, can't see mental illness for what it really is. What has your experience been? How do you feel about mental illness, recovery, and suicide?
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There has been quite a lot of conversation about Mindy McCready's suicide and mental illness,and it amazes me the different opinions people have about suicide and mental illness. I thought that I should "come out of the closet" once again about this issue, and talk about my own experiences with it.
(The article below was written by a man who has the illness and his experiences and thoughts. I thought it would be good springboard for what I am going to write, below: A Tragic story that applies to millions.)
I had a serious suicide attempt in 1985, and I had no thought whatsoever of what effect it might have on my family and friends. For that matter, I didn't realize that I had a mental illness and alcoholism. I just wanted out of the pain. Even though I have come a long way in recovery, and even though now I am a Christian, depression can be a very powerful thing. It is like a vacuum pulling you away from everything that is logical and good - even from the knowledge of God sometimes.
I found out later that I have bipolar illness, like Ms. McCready, and I have to be on medication to keep it under control (some don't seem to). I am ashamed to admit it and I hide it. People judge it, in themselves and in others - which I think is one reason that there is such a bad outcome to the disease. If people knew that they had it, and sought help and treatment, I don't think there would be so many suicides. This woman did seek help, however, so treatment is not always successful.
I hate to even bring this up, but it seems that even in the Christian community, where we are to have compassion and understanding, there is a huge stigma. Many believe that if you do what you are supposed to do, and if you have enough faith, you won't need medication. The implication is that you basically won't have bipolar or depression (or other mental illnesses).
This belief is found in the secular community as well. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps, do what you are supposed to do, and all will be well.
I haven't found this to be true for me. I even went off medications for two years and the results were almost disastrous for me and for those around me. Trust me, I tried, and I "did everything I was supposed to." Still, God did not heal me; still, I could not get and keep my act together. But read about Paul in the Bible, who suffered physical affliction that was not healed: (1)For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.
Again I feel ashamed about this. Not that I have the illness, but about admitting in the open that I have it. Admitting that I still struggle sometimes. Even in the nursing community, where we have been educated, and where we have access to a lot more information, the stigma persists.Hang out at any nursing station and you will hear it: "That" woman, that "nutjob," etc.
But I answer to God, and I take responsibility for keeping myself and others safe from my symptoms. What can I say. I'm thankful for all God has done and is doing for me. He is so good! I'm thankful He has kept me sober and has kept me out of a psych hospital for several years, and I hope I never take these things for granted! (2) ... Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
What has your experience been? How do you feel about mental illness, recovery, and suicide?
Kudos to the other nurses who have "outed" themselves about this issue. One that I admire is Viva las viejas here on allnurses. She has given me a lot of courage in this regard!
