Sharing Personal Information at Work

Guest343211 · Jun 2, 2010

Wrote the above like a quick draft and walked away d/t an emergency. Came back to edit, and it says I need someone's approval to edit it???

Ignore the above post. The edited one is below

Guest343211 · Jun 2, 2010

i am usually redirecting the question back towards them and it works out well because a lot of people like to talk about themselves.
but it doesnt hurt to give them a couple pieces to chew on once and awhile.

^this! lighthearted demographics at best, but it's good to be careful with sharing about your life at work. it's amazing what people end up doing.

i for one don't care about the gossip and so forth. i mean i am nice and friendly, but i have learned it's best to be wisely cordial--keep it light. don't go into trouble with the kids, husband, whatever. don't share that your s.o. has been layed off. i say just keep it with some brief, light stuff about perhaps how you are from the area or not and that you have enjoyed working with many of the people there. smoothly move it to them.

there is much truth noted above in the above quoted comment. people do really want to talk about themselves for the most part. you will come off looking like a great and wonderful person if you carefully and cordially move it back to them and just let them go on about themselves and their own lives. some people are the exception, and they are often genuinely caring and curious b/c they are caring, or to the other extreme, they may want to find things about you to be nosey and then theorize about you or worse yet, somehow loop anything about you into some negative group dynamics. no, not all do that, thank god, but enough people do. i guess it's b/c some people have this strange need to control and can easily feel threatened. so, when a new person comes along, they want to size up how this newbie could rock their status within the group. i find these people sad but also funny at the same time. it's like, 'can't you please just work on loving yourself in the right way from the inside out, do your job, and help others help the patients?' you want to say, "hey get a life that is positive and not so screwball negative. but if this could simply be done w/ such folks, well, i guess we'd have a pretty near perfect world.

be pleasant and non-defensive and cordial. share some safe and more benign demographics. move it to how the folks around you new place of work have been great. then move it to something like "so how long have you been here?" "what does your schedule look like, and how does ite affect your ability to get things done on your days off?" if you say something like that, they will often start talking about their personal lives and families and how it all ties in w/ the work schedule and so forth. look for interesting points that they share so that you can follow up on those points and keep it on them. they'll go on and on many times, depending on the person. nezt thing you know, things will get busy with your patient, or you will look up at the clock or whatever and say, "i better re-check ms. dunn's pain and bp again, since i've had to titrate up on the nitro twice already." so now you can be seen as being on the ball with your pts, while you also seem easy to talk to and friendly, since you listened to them talk about their lives. other people that don't really have much going on in terms of personal lives while go on and on about the latest techy device they purchased or some such thing. whatever, i say move it and keep on them as much as possible. this is a dale carnegie tip i believe.

there is nothing wrong with this either. you aren't manipulating in a negative sense and hopefully aren't reflecting back to them in a disingenuous manner. you are re-directing, much like we were taught to do with patients when they get off track or start moving things back to the nurse or other unrelated things.. asking the right questions in the right way and active listening can be productive.

but you do realize, in time, folks are going to ask more questions about your family and life?? i mean think about it. holidays come up. "so what are doing for thanksgiving w/ your family?" "are your kids excited about halloween?" "christmas?" "hanukkah?" ok, so then they find out you don't have any kids. so then it's like this: "where are you going on your vacation?" people will ask, and they will wonder. you can refect and move things back to them, but in time, as they share about their lives, your lack of sharing about yours will cause a lot of wondering and talking.

now me, listen, if you don't want to share about your life, i am totally good with that. but others will find it strange and/or will conclude that you are being unduly aloof about such things. if you feel strongly about this, try what has been suggested and then just stay really busy. be a supportive colleague. if opportunities come up to switch with someone, and you can do it, consider doing it--just don't become the patsy for this. listen and be there for others, and eventually people will think "hey, this person is just more reserved but is cool and good to work with, so who cares. . ."

TiddlDwink · Jun 5, 2010

Maybe it's like this:

You come into a new job, but you're the "new" one. The others have been working together for a long time. They have already "bonded" ... they have already worked for each other when someone's kid had the flu, or covered when someone got an emergency call and had to leave. They have already looked at everyone else's pictures of the grandkids. They have already shared the holidays or worked out holiday time-off. They have already covered each other's vacations... Maybe they just want you to be a part of the "family".

But I'll just tell you this: I'm a fairly private person also. I never saw what my personal life has to do with work...

Until: I had not even finished orientation on this job until my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I managed through the surgery, until he had to have 8 weeks of Radiation therapy. Daily. And I had to drive him there and back. (I was the sole support of the family, so quitting wasn't an option). Well, that was a huge problem, until I finally told my boss the situation. Well, my new co-workers never batted an eye. They swapped shifts with me, they worked for me, they even offered to help me with my husband's transportation LOL... They saw to it that I got my 40 hours every week, even if it meant they had to work split shifts, and weird off days. (And remember, I was the "new kid on the block".)

Time passed, and 1.5 years after that little unfortunate episode, my husband died... on Christmas Day! Since then, I've never had to work a Christmas day. My co-workers jump up and volunteer to work it for me (if I'll work Thanksgiving, or if I'll work the weekend, or whatever), They just somehow know that I'm still emotionally unable to be away from my kids on that day, much less be at work, although it has never been specifically mentioned to me.

Now I can't leave this job even if I wanted to. These people have been so kind and so understanding and have sacrificed so much for me! And after I didn't want them to know about my personal life...

I'm just sayin' ... sometimes people do NOT have ulterior motives.

So, if you want to maintain your privacy and know you'll never need their help, maybe you could just say, "I'm in a relationship and I have no kids." and leave it at that. I'm sure you have friends and friendship is a relationship of a kind.

Guest343211 · Jun 7, 2010

Maybe it's like this:
You come into a new job, but you're the "new" one. The others have been working together for a long time. They have already "bonded" ... they have already worked for each other when someone's kid had the flu, or covered when someone got an emergency call and had to leave. They have already looked at everyone else's pictures of the grandkids. They have already shared the holidays or worked out holiday time-off. They have already covered each other's vacations... Maybe they just want you to be a part of the "family".
But I'll just tell you this: I'm a fairly private person also. I never saw what my personal life has to do with work...
Until: I had not even finished orientation on this job until my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I managed through the surgery, until he had to have 8 weeks of Radiation therapy. Daily. And I had to drive him there and back. (I was the sole support of the family, so quitting wasn't an option). Well, that was a huge problem, until I finally told my boss the situation. Well, my new co-workers never batted an eye. They swapped shifts with me, they worked for me, they even offered to help me with my husband's transportation LOL... They saw to it that I got my 40 hours every week, even if it meant they had to work split shifts, and weird off days. (And remember, I was the "new kid on the block".)
Time passed, and 1.5 years after that little unfortunate episode, my husband died... on Christmas Day! Since then, I've never had to work a Christmas day. My co-workers jump up and volunteer to work it for me (if I'll work Thanksgiving, or if I'll work the weekend, or whatever), They just somehow know that I'm still emotionally unable to be away from my kids on that day, much less be at work, although it has never been specifically mentioned to me.
Now I can't leave this job even if I wanted to. These people have been so kind and so understanding and have sacrificed so much for me! And after I didn't want them to know about my personal life...
I'm just sayin' ... sometimes people do NOT have ulterior motives.
So, if you want to maintain your privacy and know you'll never need their help, maybe you could just say, "I'm in a relationship and I have no kids." and leave it at that. I'm sure you have friends and friendship is a relationship of a kind.

That's true.

Thanks for sharing. That must have been unreal for you.

It's great when you can work with people like this. I am sad to report that there are groups of people in a number of places that do not think, act, and work this way, unless somehow something is in it for them. It's an opportunity to look good, get in good by looking like a mensche, something. When people act like what you have described, however, and there is nothing in it for them (known or unknown), then they are genuine. The bigger test is when they do something altruistic and truly caring, and they stand to lose something or take an unfair wrap, or something where they stand to take a hit for doing the right thing. That's where the rubber really hits the road. That's when you know someone is authentic.