Pathetically Unethical!!

TrudyRN · May 24, 2007

This is probably more common than we realize and I have to admit that I somewhat question the stern attitude that we, as a profession, take on things like this. People are sexual beings and money is a powerful motivator.

We could conjecture all day long about why the spouse gave her money, if he really gave her money, should he have given it if he gave it.

Really, what it comes down to is that it was his to give if he wanted to and really did give it. What she did to earn it - well, that's another topic.

I'd say that we need to be 1000% pure in our relationships with patients and family members. We need to be able to live with ourselves and with our God and realize that our reputation is easily destroyed, almost never repairable (if that's a word).

Without solid proof, leave it alone. If you feel the need to speak to her about it, I guess you will find the time and the way to do so but be very, very careful. She will not likely respond positively unless approached in a totally non-judgemental way. She will have to be the one to realize her error and admit it and that's just not very likely to happen, especially if you jump on her with both feet.

I'm sorry you lost a patient with whom you really connected. That is painful but time will help heal the wound.

As for what goes around comes around - maybe it does but somehow I never get to see it when it gets here. Don't worry, everything will work out. If she really is concentrating more on money and relationships than on patient care, someday she will encounter a boss who lowers the boom on her. Although in honesty I must say I see nothing wrong with wanting to marry a man with money (doctor). Must we all aspire to poverty? Is there really anything wrong with meeting a mate where we work? This happens all the time, too. Should it be with a married patient or patient's spouse? No. But we all have heard of cases where the staff fall in love with a patient and they get hitched and are happy together. What is so unethical about that?

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · May 24, 2007

best thing to do is MYOB!!! Things like innuendo and rumors can come back and bite you on the butt.

:yeahthat:

longtime nrs · May 24, 2007

Well, I was always under the impression, and was taught in school that nurses never took anything from the patient or thieir families. That's been a long time ago, so maybe things have changed since then. But, I still think it's unethical of this nurse to do what she did. She should be repremanded in some way, if not loose her job. I would expect something if I had done that, wouldn't you !!

Get this! I work at a hospital and about a year ago had a patient who was young and found to have cancer. To make a long story short, she died of colon cancer and her death was HORRIBLE! The care she got stunk! I thought we were in a time where people didn't have to suffer the way she did. I loved her as a person. She was so upbeat and we had a lot in common. I'm guilty of being overly caring about her. I sent her off to surgery when she thought it was to be something minor (although my thought was that it was going to be much as more and it was) and when she found out how bad things were, she was confident she'd fight it and win. Her battle was lost nine months later.
I felt like a bad nurse as I was there for her in the beginning, lost contact when she left the hospital, but then near the end, she deteriorated so much, I had a hard time not wanting to cry the few times she did. But as a nurse, you have to be strong!!
Now the unethical part! One of the nurses who seemed overly concerned near the end, still sees the patient's husband. She broke up with her boyfriend and apparently cried her heart out to him that she had no money. He stopped by the hospital and gave her $1,000.00 cash!! She was overheard telling a friend of hers who works at the hospital. Well, you can say there's no proof, but she was heard stating this and she is and was a snake. She even flirted big time with the doctors of this patient. There was rumor something was going on between her and the docs. You'd hope docs would be smart enough to see through this! I'm just disgusted when I she took money from the patient's husband. While she acted so concerned about our patient, she really was putting up a show for the husband. I didn't trust her and now to think she has taken money from this man who didn't have much to begin with sickens me. Apparently nothing was done about this. Our new director is nice, but likes to look the other way. What are your thoughts nurses!!!????

lisa41rn · May 24, 2007

Trudy - you made some good points, but I see a pattern that happens on this site. It seems often those replying to posts will state things completely opposite of how the "poster" writes. It makes me wonder if what they truly believe is the response or if they are just trying to stir things up. Many seem to be so high and mighty, but let's be real! I wish more responses would be made honestly. In this case, we as nurses should be there to help our patients, NOT HURT THEM! In this case, I truly believe the family is the one hurt, especially the young daughter. Maybe I should have posted the situation that this nurse taking the money was wonderful in doing so to receive more appropriate responses. It makes me wonder how anyone could support such a situation. Perhaps more nurses are using patients than I can imagine.

Your comment "Although in honesty I must say I see nothing wrong with wanting to marry a man with money (doctor). Must we all aspire to poverty?" really makes me wonder.....MY husband makes far more than the majority of doctors, but he owns a business, along with myself. We got where we are from working hard. We were given nothing. We didn't use others for money as I believe one responder replied. To go to nursing school with the ultimate goal of latching onto a doctor is nuts, but I've heard of this as well. It's trashy! If money is the goal, work towards your own goals. If a doctor and nurse honestly fell in love, that'd be great, but not to be used. To use others for money, in any circumstance, is pathetic.

As for what goes around comes around - maybe it does but somehow I never get to see it when it gets here. Don't worry, everything will work out. If she really is concentrating more on money and relationships than on patient care, someday she will encounter a boss who lowers the boom on her. Although in honesty I must say I see nothing wrong with wanting to marry a man with money (doctor). Must we all aspire to poverty? Is there really anything wrong with meeting a mate where we work? This happens all the time, too. Should it be with a married patient or patient's spouse? No. But we all have heard of cases where the staff fall in love with a patient and they get hitched and are happy together. What is so unethical about that?

bigsyis · May 24, 2007

best thing to do is MYOB!!! Things like innuendo and rumors can come back and bite you on the butt.

Yep, that is exactly right. You never know for SURE if what you are hearing is the real truth, or some version of it.

BTW-it is okay sometimes, to cry w/pts and/or their families. It is important to be strong for them, but it is also important to retain your humanity.

kellyskitties · May 24, 2007

We had similar suspicions about a nurse I worked with. We have a "no gift worth more than $10 rule." She didn't get in trouble where I worked for it that I know of. She did however get her comuppence (sp?) down the road. Took advantage of a homecare pt. Lost her license. :)

anonymurse · May 24, 2007

We had similar suspicions about a nurse I worked with. We have a "no gift worth more than $10 rule." She didn't get in trouble where I worked for it that I know of. She did however get her comuppence (sp?) down the road. Took advantage of a homecare pt. Lost her license. :)

Yes. It's entirely true that what goes around comes around, because the people who do those things don't just do them once, they do them repeatedly, and the odds are against them getting away with it forever.