Nursing school, debt, children, my future?

[BBQvegan]

Hello nurses, nursing students, anyone who can help?

My boyfriend and I just broke up -- after one year together. I was living in Washington, DC, but decided to change careers to nursing and go to school full time while living with my mom -- which meant moving back home to Louisiana in January. I left him behind, but we decided to have a long distance relationship. It has been going so well, so far. Until last week, I was on spring break and went to visit him. I also visited 2 schools in his area with accelerated nursing programs. We talked about me moving in with him while pursuing my BSN. He has been supportive and sweet -- never got mad that I moved halfway across the country. And we definitely love each other.

Here's the problem. I am 27 and he is 34. It will be another 2-3 years before I have my RN and will begin working. Once I do, I will have a mountain of debt to pay off, AND I will want to enjoy my new degree, my new career, and new money coming in. But he wants to have babies! He wishes we could do that now, but is willing to wait til after nursing school. But I told him I won't be ready. I will need at least 3 years in the workforce to work on my debt and to be able to do a lot of traveling and other things I enjoy. He is not willing to wait that long, and I am not willing to have children any sooner. We are both so different and there were already other compromises being made about our future -- this is just the one thing we can't agree on. Now it's over and I can't help but wonder if we are making a mistake.

From a nurse's perspective, am I doing the right thing?

[LydiaNN]

I was in my late 20s when I had my son. To me, it was a good time. I still had a little debt, and we were just buying a home, but I also had some savings and had had time to do some of the things that were important to me. It is just such an individual issue, really.

[clee1]

I agree and this is what I was thinking as well. As a mother of three I know how draining it is to be a mother, and why add that to years you should be slowing down? But that is a personal choice each of us must make. I am glad, though, that I had mine in my early 20's.

I'm 38, and my first dd is 18 months old. Have another due in early October. My wife is 28; both of us heard our biological clocks ticking..... LOUDLY.

[martymoose, BSN, RN]

Hi- I guess it boils down to what decisions you can live with. I thought I had time. I had my son at 34, then went to nursing school, trying to not only pay off debts but keep up on the regular bills which involves lots of overtime. We wanted another child, but sadly it is not happening. I am sorry I waited, but it's too late to change anything.I could have worked when I was older- I can't have anymore kids now that I'm older, and I am sorry now that I see it that way.Sure didn't see it that way 5 yrs ago. Good luck in your decisions.

[scizzerin]

I think it's about seeing from another's point of view. Personally, if the "Great DayPlanner of Life" existed, I would have scheduled my daughter later. But, since I was told I couldn't have any, I would have taken her any way I could have gotten her. Of course, adopting is also another viable solution.(If you feel too old by the time you want one) I also think you shouldn't feel pressured about having a baby, and it should end the discussion, really. I agree with all the other posters about letting him go. Sure, it may hurt, but in the end, I believe God has a plan for you. KIDS ARE HARD WORK! Especially only children! LOL! GOOD LUCK!!!!!!

Smile, it give's your face something to do!

[Chamomile]

Hi! I too decided to move far away from my boyfriend to pursue nursing. I can relate to what you're going through. Although I don't like the long distance, our future goals are similar, so I know it's worth holding on to.

In your situation it may not be worth holding on to. I think you should definitely wait to have kids - you have plenty of time! If your boyfriend really wants it to work out between you then he'll have to wait.

Good luck!

[BBQvegan]

Y'all really have some great advice! I am going up to visit him again on Friday to have one final discussion to make sure we are making the right decision, and to possibly say goodbye and get some closure. Thanks for the excellent perspective y'all provided!

[LoriAlabamaRN]

Wow, reading my last post makes me sound so selfish!

Selfish? Because you want to enjoy yourself, because you know what you want in life? Because you want to see the world and have fun along the way? You aren't selfish. It sounds to me as if you are very intelligent and a lot of fun. There's nothing wrong with that. Break it off with this guy. Your soulmate is out there, and I predict an adventurous, wonderful life for the two of you once you meet him!!!