First, please don't judge. I've been an RN 2 1/2 years now. I work in Tele and have had the same position as when I started as a new grad. I swore up and down I wouldn't get burnt out and so on. I'm there. So much so I'm questioning whether I made the right choice. My background...why I went into nursing...I was raised by my grandmother and great grandmother. Growing up my great grandmother had a lot of health problems and I loved being her "nurse" as a kid.
So when it was time to decide what I wanted to do it seemed perfect that I go to school for nursing. I started college early at 16. Did my pre-reqs and then when I went to apply to my local RN program, well there was a 2 year wait. I was young and impatient and decided Criminal Justice was the next best thing for me. Finished getting an AS in Criminal Justice. Graduated in Dec 2007. My father got sick with lung cancer Jan 2008 and passed by Feb 2008. That whole experience with him brought back the fire in me to become a nurse. Started my Pre-reqs that May. Ended up in the RN program the next summer. I graduated May 2011.
I had received a scholarship previously with a local hospital and I landed a job rather quickly. Was in love at first (ie. Honeymoon phase). Would come home and could not stop talking about my job. I was happy. Along the way I learned I have a very bad herniated disc. Not from my job but happened before and I just never was diagnosed. Actually almost the end of nursing school I had my first MRI which showed the injury. I think the intense labor of this field is making it worse which is really weighing me down. I've had 2 epidurals so far.
On top of this, when I go to work I feel like a waitress / servant / drug pusher. I don't feel like I make any difference to my patients at all. Now, while I feel this way I continue to be respectful and do my job as best I can and do what's right for my patients. My boss seems to think highly of me. I precept often. I've been offered a charge position recently which I pretty much turned down. If I'm not happy how will I lead others properly. I help lead a support group for new nurses, with which I sit there and listen to people who have been at this only a few months and feel exactly the same as I do.
I'm just tired of it all and feeling so down that I've made a wrong life decision. I've been thinking I need a change to something very different in nursing but because I've been out on and off for my back problem I feel I wouldn't possibly be able to transfer in my current facility. No one would want someone with these issues. I feel stuck. Just looking for someone who's been here in my shoes and what did you do?? Thanks.
