Well, the inevitable finally happened today -- I had to give up my job. I have been working on CCU for 6 months and was really enjoying it -- I just love cardiology, and there's always so much to learn! Even though I don't think I could have kept up the pace and the stress forever, I was really hoping to give it a good couple or three years. I had an awesome manager and a lot of good supportive co-workers.
But, the position was night shift, and despite my best efforts, my body would not let me do it. I wound up with major depression, a 22-lb weight loss, iron deficiency anemia, and recurrent sinus infections. I tried cutting back my hours but even that was not enough.
My doctor wrote me the letter today saying that I needed to get off nights effective immediately. My manager was (and has been) very understanding about it, but there is simply nothing available on day shift and in fact a few people are waiting for positions to come up.
It is a large organization and I do have another PRN job there for now (I am also an echo tech). So I am not completely high and dry, and there may be other options in other departments. My performance was never a problem. For heaven's sake, I'm an experienced nurse, something will come up either here or in some other facility.
Still ... it is just hard. I really wanted to do this. I feel like a failure. My husband does not understand why I'm crying -- "You were always so sick, you should be relieved!"
If you've read this far, thank you for listening to my vent. Hopefully there is a happy ending somewhere, but right now I am just sad, sad, sad. Stories with happy endings -- or just a little prayer/good thought -welcome if you can spare it
