Newly Qualified - feeling confused!

[lennie2305]

Hi not sure if anyone can or will give me some advice.

Recent qualified in September 13. withing the first week of this job my Grandma who I was very very close to died. since this I have struggled on trying to keep my head above water.

I have been provided no support or very minimal anyway, no preceptorship paper work filled in, I have been given no advice or support or any form of anything regarding as to if I am doing what I should be or where I can better my work.

I have now hit rock bottom, I feel sick at the though of going in, I spend my days off crying about it, this is impacting on my life as a single mum and feel I am letting my 6 year old son down and my mum and dad will feel I am a failure. I have wasted 4 years training for this and have previouosly loved my student nurse years.

I am now seriously thinking that on Tuesday I will hand my notice in!

I have been put on anti depressants and I am on beta blockers for anxiety.

I dont know if its the serious lack in support, no preceptorship on the ward given or is this normal stress of the job? Or am I grieving for my grandma as I havent been able to grieve as I should have done?

I have done a last minute appliication for Paramedic Training aswel as a route out, or do I still love nursing and its a bad choice of first ward jobs?

I am very confused!

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

Please don't choose a permanent solution (resignation) for what may be a temporary problem. Are you in the US? If so, your employer probably has some sort of Employee Assistance Program (EAP). You can obtain confidential assistance for personal issues that are impacting your work performance. You may also need to seek medical assistance if you are suffering from depression.

It's really rough having all this stress at once - so it's no wonder you are decompensating. Have you shared this with your parents? Talk to your manager and let him/her know what is going on and seek some assistance. It is never a good idea to make serious decisions when you are so emotionally vulnerable.

Hope you feel better soon.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

You've got a couple of issues going on -- grieving for your grandmother (and possibly depression) and your job.

What sort of support were you anticipating getting on the job that you didn't get? Are you looking for help in dealing with your grandmother's death? Or were you looking for more feedback on your progress on the job? If it's the former, I'm sorry. There may be, as HouTx suggested, an employee assistance program to provide some counseling. But your coworkers, who don't know you very well yet, are probably not the folks to go looking for support from in dealing with your grief.

As a preceptor, I can tell you that the paperwork required is horrendous, and most of us are way behind in the paperwork. You should have some idea of your progress, though, from verbal interactions with your preceptor. If you haven't had any feedback, ask. Sometimes orientees are given feedback in a way that seems perfectly clear to the preceptor, but isn't even registered by the orientee. It's entirely possible that your preceptor THINKS you've gotten feedback. I'm thinking that if you were doing poorly, there would already be tons of documentation on THAT.

Please don't make any permanent decisions at this time. See your doctor, and evaluate whether you could benefit from antidepressants. Talk to your manager and your preceptor and let them know what's going on. Talk to your parents as well. And please let us know how you're doing.