Bully

[gracie05]

I had the most awful night the on Saturday. I work with this man who has been a nurse for 20+ years and is very smart, with a lot to share, but is a bully. He was given an assignment that he did not like and was also charge (which angered him greatly). So from the time the shift started he was complaining and generally making all of our lives miserable. He had a very unstable patient (GI bleed) who required a lot of attention and his other patient (this is ICU) was very time consuming as well. I helped him as much as I could (I was in that room helping him clean up the patient 10+ times), but nothing made him happy. I even took over being charge (which is hysterical as I have been a nurse for 7 months and have no clue what needs to be done as charge...). He did say thank you occasionally, but most of the time he was a jerk. I don't know how to handle him...I went home in tears. When he would go on his rampages, I would just walk away because I was afraid I would say something I would regret or something very unprofessional (although, he is not bothered by being unprofessional). Anyone else put up with a bully?? I am so frustruated!! How do I handle this situation??

[Soup Turtle]

Haven't you ever noticed that workplace bullies pick on some specific people while leaving other employees alone? It's not rocket science.

Bullies test everyone eventually. However, they continue to pick at the people who will not stand up for themselves. A person who stands up and tactfully faces the bully will typically be left alone because (s)he has proven to be too difficult of a target. Workplace bullies pick on coworkers who are easy targets. These 'easy marks' will not stand up for themselves, are afraid to speak up, and act timidly.

Instead of avoiding this man, it is time to nip it in the bud. If he insults you or screams, instruct him to refrain from speaking to you in that manner. Otherwise, certain individuals will continue to bully those who permit the 'bullying' to occur.

That is soooo true! Bullies can rarely take what they dish out.

[gracie05]

I actually have stood up to him. About a month ago, he was having a bad night and I asked him if he wanted me to get him something to eat and he bit my head off. I stood there for a second looking at him (he got embarassed) and I told him that I will never again offer to get him something to eat...I told him he was on his own.

I also talked to the charge nurse about it, and the only response I got was that it was typical behavior from him and that she would mention it to our boss. The whole thing is ridiculous...one bad egg...

[smile123]

I actually have stood up to him. About a month ago, he was having a bad night and I asked him if he wanted me to get him something to eat and he bit my head off. I stood there for a second looking at him (he got embarassed) and I told him that I will never again offer to get him something to eat...I told him he was on his own.

I also talked to the charge nurse about it, and the only response I got was that it was typical behavior from him and that she would mention it to our boss. The whole thing is ridiculous...one bad egg...

But that was a month ago. We are talking about this incident. If the charge nurse knows that this is a repeated offense, they can do something about it. If the charge nurse does nothing this time, escalate to the unit manager. It's about taking a stand and not allowing this inappropriate behavior to happen to YOU.

[burn out]

Sounds like a HOSTILE WORK ENVIRONMENT to me and I would report it as such to my nurse manager. If he can't take the heat then he needs to get out of the kitchen. Someone needs to talk to this guy and cool him down and I don't think that is in your job description.

[BBFRN, BSN, PhD]

I recently left a position where I was bullied by a manager. I was yelled at, was told that I call for stupid things, was cursed at, etc. I wasn't the only victim, though. She has yelled at staff members (most of whom have left), social workers, staffers, doctors, other managers...the list goes on.

I did go above her head, and this did help me to get away from her faster, but it seems she has not been held accountable for the way she treats people. She still has her job, at any rate.

My advice for what it's worth: This person will continue to act like this as long as there's a pay-off. take away the pay-off, and maybe he'll stop (i.e. don't offer to do charge for him or help him out so much, etc.).

[MALE*RN*777]

Although this person may be what you call a Bully, is he a good nurse? Not to defend him but I've worked with doctors who are complete a** but when it comes to knowing what to do I would rather have them then some who don't have a clue. It's true that we all have our bad days and express our stress differently but try this. In a calm and concerned manner ask him "Is everything okay, you seem a little tense tonight?" It may be that he just needs to get things off his shoulders about work or home life. Now some may find this unprofessional but aren't we all human and in need of someone. Now it will all be in your approach. Don't sound like you've had enough of his you know what but sound concerned, which you are for yourself and for others. JMHO Lastly, the "trooper" comment sounded like a good thing at least for him. Again we are all brought up different and show our feelings in different ways.

[gracie05]

He is not really approachable. There really is not a way that I can think of to talk to him about this without him getting mad. He is an excellent nurse, and I respect him and appreciate it when he takes the time to teach me new things, or show me how something should be done. I do not respect how he acts. I don't know how to explain it...some nights are ok, but others are pure hell.

[MsPiggy]

I think we have all had to deal with this sort of thing at one time or another in our careers. I'm a little more outspoken and would probably get him alone and tell him in a very low tone serious voice either treat me with respect or kiss my you know what, but I am done playing this game. I have a staff member at works that regularly goes off on other employees and behaves in a threatening manner even stalking us if he feels we will complain about it, I have made it very clear to him, one more time PLEASE because I am just waiting to file a restraining order against you. He now stays away from me :0)

Your guy doesn't sound this bad but he does need to learn to use better social skills with co workers. Just don't take any crap., I mean would you let your hubby or significant other talk to you that way? Kinda puts it in perspective doesn't it?

HugsXXX

MsP

[aculwell]

Let him look like a fool, but if he personally attacks you, you defend yourself. Male nurses are interesting

Hmm..as a male nurse myself I'm wondering why you would group all male nurses as being "interesting" Not to be overly sensitive but if I might interpet that as being an indictment of male nurses in general. Something I ran into in Nursing school were women instructors all too eager to group me in with all other male nurses as being insensitive and uncaring and not cut out to be a nurse. The remark that male nurses are interesting smacks of stereotyping and I take exception to it! Then again maybe I'm being to sensitive

[paganoid]

Haven't you ever noticed that workplace bullies pick on some specific people while leaving other employees alone? It's not rocket science.

Instead of avoiding this man, it is time to nip it in the bud. If he insults you or screams, instruct him to refrain from speaking to you in that manner. Otherwise, certain individuals will continue to bully those who permit the 'bullying' to occur.

A formula that works for me is this:

"I am not your child and I am not your husband/wife/etc and you may not speak to me in that way."

I've never had to repeat myself. By calling them on their BS you stop them in their tracks, interrupt their flow, and frankly embarrass them. You shouldn't have to do it twice, and if you do it with a witness you might have standing with the review board.

Hope this helps.