Almost a year in and more scared than before

[aerorunner80]

All I can say is ignorance is bliss. It seems that the more I learn, the more scared I get. I have been working as an RN for 10 months now and I'm no less scared now than when I first began.

Has this happened to anyone else?

The good news is I still feel dangerous but I feel a lot less dangerous than when I first started.

I would have though that by now the fear would have subsided and I'm very surprised that I feel it is worse. I don't dread going in to work nor do I have nightmares or think about it much on my off days. It's just the fact of knowing what can go wrong and how quickly it can happen that scares me.

I still wonder if I will react in time if one of my babies has a death spell (a serious apneic and bradycardic episode). I really hope that the care I give to them really does help. I get very nervous about handling the micro-premies because I'm afraid I'm going to hurt them (the smallest I've taken care of so far is 400 grams). ET tubes still make me nervous, especially on a baby who was a difficult intubation.......and don't get me started on trachs!!! Even though they are more secure and stable than ETT's trachs still scare me.

I love my job and have no intentions of quitting anytime soon.

I just want to know I'm not alone, even this far into the game.

[mandababy0326]

I have also been an RN for 10 months and have been working in a busy ER since the day after I graduated NS. I am so glad to hear someone else is feeling this way, because I too, am more scared than when I first started. It's a different kind of fear, like you mentioned- not so much a safety fear but how quickly things can go wrong- and in the patients you don't always expect!

I love my job, but some days I feel like a nervous wreck, especially before the shift starts and I get into my groove! I too, pray it will go away at some point:rolleyes:

[aerorunner80, ADN, BSN, MSN, APRN]

btw, is this your first career? if not, have you noticed that most other fields do not take two years just to feel safe and competent? what normal person wants to spend two years of working just to feel competent? i wonder if it is just as bad for physicians and other health care professionals? maybe it is just as bad for cops and figher fighters too?

we are definitely a different breed of people for not wanting to quit. we spend so much time with activities like studying, training, working out, venting, etc. on days off just to feel "ok" two years later, that it is insane.

you make such an awesome point here.

no this isn't my first carreer. it's my second. i do find it interesting that it has taken me this long to only start to feel comfortable. in my previous carreer, i gave it 6 months.

thank you so much for your reply!

[NewAggieGrad09]

i am 4.5 years in and i still feel scared and i dont think i ever will NOT feel scared. maybe its just me, maybe its good to have that healthy dose of fear following you during working hours.

i have even heard RN's who have decades of exp say they still have that dose of fear.

what jangles my nerves is when you feel like your the only one nervous (although never let em see you sweat) and the other RNs on your unit are cool as cucumbers.

i feel like a real fool most days for that.

funny i think being more scared must correlate with increasing competency. i have yet to see an ICU RN who is totally laid back and that makes me feel a little better:D

I feel the same exact way about some of my coworkers!! I always say to myself, "Man, I can't wait to come to work and not seem phased like he/she does!"

[tucsonash]

I think it also has to do with where you work! I have friends that are feeling (most of the time) like champions at 8 months to a year on M/S and tele units. I'm on ICU and the more I learn, the more I realize how delicate my patients can be. Literally, forgetting one teeny tiny detail could be bad news. I totally understand how you feel. I feel like in a really high acuity area it has to take multiple years.