Things I've learned from my ER patients...

[SouthernERNurse]

It's amazing the little things that I can learn from my patients in the ER. Just this week for example I've learned...

1. When your patient states "Nurse, I feel like I'm going to throw up", don't ever EVER, no matter how far away this nearest emesis basin is, lean down beside the bed to grab the garbage can for your patient. You will most likely end up with vomit on your head.

2. When at a New Years Eve party, beware of standing beside juke boxes and talking to "a pretty gal". It is possible to have a spontaneous compound tib/fib fracture to occur. And no, it doen't have anything to do with the fact that you were hitting on someone's girlfriend, and that it might have pissed her big boyfriend off.

3. Don't ever roll over in bed in the middle of the night, especially if you have an erection. I've learned that a member fracture really can happen.

So what have your patients taught you?

[athomas91]

oooooo gross - why did i have to ask?!?!?!?

[erjulie]

never trust that a virgin really is a virgin.

always leave the door open, with you next to it...

always strip your "psych" patients, and always strip your detox patients

if they are coming in for heroin detox, ALWAYS put a pulse ox on them (they probably just used in the parking lot to get them "over the hump", and it's usually a HUGE dose)

[mags-rn]

1. The hospital is the only place that Panadol or Asprin can be obtained

2.I've learned that the first thing a person wants to do after vomiting is "reload the cannon" by eating or drinking and that no pain, bleeding, distress, or illness is too great to want a tray.

3. I've learned that ALL nurses absolutely know the names of every visitor and family member that has or MIGHT walk through the door with every patient. You know, the phone calls I'm talking about,"Can I talk to Mary Johnson?" There is no patient named Mary Johnson and it is the patients cousin twice removed. Or the visitor/family member will come through the door and ask "Can I see my Mum?" Like I don't have 8 Mums in the ED right now. Telepathy is a good lesson.

4. Patients truly believe that there is just one pill out there that is "the little white (blue, pink, etc.,) pill" and that you as the nurse should know what they mean.

5. Patients waiting in the waiting room for 3 hours before they are seen are miraculously better once they get a bed in the ER. This is especially true for dramatic patients who have had chest pain for 6 months, and need to get back ahead of everyone else, because they are way sicker.

6. Patients are sometimes too honest. To tell a triage nurse, "I just want a note for work because I called off today, can't you just write me one and let me go home?" is not a good idea!

7. When you hear, "You won't believe how this happened to me!" and the patient has a towel stuffed down the back of their pants, and a blood soaked bottom, walking with mincing steps, the patient is probably right!!

I love this thread, It's great to know these lessons are universal.

[MAGIK GIRL]

Originally posted by mags-rn

3. I've learned that ALL nurses absolutely know the names of every visitor and family member that has or MIGHT walk through the door with every patient. You know, the phone calls I'm talking about,"Can I talk to Mary Johnson?" There is no patient named Mary Johnson and it is the patients cousin twice removed. Or the visitor/family member will come through the door and ask "Can I see my Mum?" Like I don't have 8 Mums in the ED right now. Telepathy is a good lesson

I love this thread, It's great to know these lessons are universal.

that cracks me up:roll

i like it too when you have gloves on, a urine cup in one hand and blood in the other and some mousy wife comes up to you and says "he wants to know if he can eat". you say "who is he" and she says "my husband!"

ok, psychic nurse network here....

haha:roll

[Owney]

No, that is not the two dudes who are responsible for GSWs. That is some dude. The two dudes assault with fists and feet. No male could ever be harmed by another single individual. No one has ever been assaulted for any reason other than for minding their own business.

If you are having excrutiating abdominal pain, drive through Mickey D's on the way to the ER. Its amazing how much better you'll feel after a Big Mack, Fries and a large chocolate shake, but not too much better to get "checked out, since you're here anyway."

If you are having trouble sleeping at 0300, call 911. They will call in this critical insomnia incident into the emergecy nurse on the paramedic radio.

If you are given antibiotics expect to feel better after the first dose. If you're not better in a couple of hours don't call your doctor, go to the emergency room, and why not call 911 for a ride.

If your child has a cold or flu for a couple of days, don't bother taking her temperature or giving her tylenol or ibuprofen. Don't bother taking her to her doctor, call 911 at 1AM, to take her to the ER. It's amazing how much better she feels by being taken out in the freezing wind, and kept up all night. A night spent in an ER full of drunken, crazy and dying people makes everyone feel better.

The best person for a well-baby check for your 3 week old is the triage nurse at 2200 on Saturday. Be sure to call 911 for a ride, since parking at the hospital costs $2 and EMS is free. You your mother and your grandmother can spend your ambulance ride finding good reasons for your baby to be seen Then you can all take turns expressing your concerns such as, "She breathing real fast...(yeah, they do that) she spitting up (she wouldn't if any of you knew how to burp her)...she got loose stool (none of you realize that a turd would be a miracle for a 3 week old), ect.

Do not clutter your brain with any of your medical history, after all isn't that why you have a medical record? Do not feel responsible for your own health, after all isn't that what nurses and doctors get paid for. "Doc, I'm sick." "What seems to be the prolem?" "You tell me, that's what I came her for!"

:roll

[MAGIK GIRL]

Originally posted by Owney

if your child has a cold or flu for a couple of days, don't bother taking her temperature or giving her tylenol or ibuprofen. Don't bother taking her to her doctor, call 911 at 1AM, to take her to the ER. It's amazing how much better she feels by being taken out in the freezing wind, and kept up all night. A night spent in an ER full of drunken, crazy and dying people makes everyone feel better.

by all means don't medicated the fever, remember, we in the er are supposed to see the child sick. heaven forbid they bring a child to be seen who has been medicated for the fever and feels alittle better. no, let them suffer so the parent can tell us, "see, i knew this was an emergency!"

originally posted by Owney

The best person for a well-baby check for your 3 week old is the triage nurse at 2200 on Saturday. Be sure to call 911 for a ride, since parking at the hospital costs $2 and EMS is free. You your mother and your grandmother can spend your ambulance ride finding good reasons for your baby to be seen Then you can all take turns expressing your concerns such as, "She breathing real fast...(yeah, they do that) she spitting up (she wouldn't if any of you knew how to burp her)...she got loose stool (none of you realize that a turd would be a miracle for a 3 week old), ect.

i am verclempt! speechless. i thought it was just me.

origially posted by Owney

Do not clutter your brain with any of your medical history, after all isn't that why you have a medical record? Do not feel responsible for your own health, after all isn't that what nurses and doctors get paid for. "Doc, I'm sick." "What seems to be the prolem?" "You tell me, that's what I came her for!"

:roll

yea, and don't bother remembering the name of your meds either. who care what pills you take and why you take them. the important thing is your 95 year old country bumpkin doc told you that a mustard poltice would cure pneumonia. who cares that your cardiologist put you on ntg and your internist put you on viagra? what does it matter? who cares if you are viewed as uneducated? you can bet your bottom dollar that that patient knows which kind of fuel goes into his cadilac or monster truck! probably even knows where his neighbors grocery shop and what they have for each meal. but know his own meds?! why should he, "you have all my records of file here" as he tells the triage rn.\ :chuckle

[dragonfly954]

I don't work in the er,but i do work in a busy county jail(just as lively).Job security for the er.i cover booking,which is like triage.we get it all,like the er to an extent i suppose.The one that hit home was about "the little white pill".they really think you are supposed to know. what in the heck they are on!I just love it when they have a sting for prostitution in the parks/beaches.The last one was late in the afternoon.twelve people were arrestedage 65 to 89 for soliciting undercover officers.i thought I was going to go out of my mind with all the "little white/blue pills" and all the pill bottles with 10 different types pills in them and trying to figure out what they were:chuckle

[ER Tigger Girl]

a risen= a boil (usually in a place you don't want to see)

stomak=stomach

When someone yells "watch out" duck or run immediatly

If you hear "Oh No" from another nurse- run in and help!

The hospital food is the best in the world and someone should open a "Hospital Food diner" because that is the FIRST thing that they ask for when they hit the door. It cures all- the patient hasn't been able to eat for weeks and now has an appitite!

Never assume that someone who brings in their baby is smart enough to bring formula, diapers or even a bottle and will ask for 1 or all three as soon as they hit triage. (I wonder how these children survive.)

Always assume that the person coming in for detox has one last hit before coming to the ER to celebrate their newfound decision to come clean.

Don't waste your breath trying to explain triage and how it works- they don't care and they are always sicker than the next person, no matter what

Everyknows the magic words at triage - Chest Pain, short of breath and the worst headache of my life!

Beware of any patient that is allergic to Toradol, Motrin and Nubain they will throw things at you when you give them Ultram.

Never tell a patient that you don't just do "pregnancy test" they have to have some sort of symptom because they will develop that symptom right there in front of your eyes!

[ER Tigger Girl]

a risen= a boil (usually in a place you don't want to see)

stomak=stomach

When someone yells "watch out" duck or run immediatly

If you hear "Oh No" from another nurse- run in and help!

The hospital food is the best in the world and someone should open a "Hospital Food diner" because that is the FIRST thing that they ask for when they hit the door. It cures all- the patient hasn't been able to eat for weeks and now has an appitite!

Never assume that someone who brings in their baby is smart enough to bring formula, diapers or even a bottle and will ask for 1 or all three as soon as they hit triage. (I wonder how these children survive.)

Always assume that the person coming in for detox has one last hit before coming to the ER to celebrate their newfound decision to come clean.

Don't waste your breath trying to explain triage and how it works- they don't care and they are always sicker than the next person, no matter what

Everyknows the magic words at triage - Chest Pain, short of breath and the worst headache of my life!

Beware of any patient that is allergic to Toradol, Motrin and Nubain they will throw things at you when you give them Ultram.

Never tell a patient that you don't just do "pregnancy test" they have to have some sort of symptom because they will develop that symptom right there in front of your eyes!

Gotta love the free entertainment factor!

:roll :roll

[mommatrauma, RN]

Minding your own business is THE MOST dangerous activity in Philadelphia...

Just because they are "cousins" doesn't make them relatives...

God-sisters are family too...

Dorito's cure all abdominal pain and nausea...if Nabisco only new...

"Fiance" is a term used very loosely...

Everyone has a fiance and a baby daddy...and they are never the same person...

2 beers = the first and the last...the ones in between didn't count...

Toothaches only get better if you come in by ambulance at 3am...

Impending doom is dangerous...If they tell you they feel like they are going to die...move the crash cart a little closer....

"Our" charcoal doesn't taste as bad as the other hospital's did...