Positive I'm about to get fired

Kris10Noel · Jun 11, 2013

So I'm working in LTC and have been off orientation for a few days now. I've been feeling like a nervous wreck the whole time. I'm still extreeeeemely slow and always running behind in my workload when all the other aides just fly through it. On top of that, it seems like I constantly make careless mistakes. I feel like an incompetent idiot and like I'm never gonna get this. I used to want to be an RN, well, forget that, considering I can't even do a relatively simple job there's no way I'm cut out to be an RN. I'm just waiting for my termination call since I know it's coming.
I've been having a hard time adjusting. My first two nights they put me on a section with a woman who was really emotionally abusive. She would tell me I was an idiot and didn't know what I was doing, would threaten to report me if I so much as touched her and then threaten to report me for neglect if I didn't. She would do things like lie and say I left soap on her and still need to wash it up, just anything to keep me in her room for as long as possible. I came close to just breaking down and crying so many times in her room. I would end up spending half the night in her room just trying to get her to cooperate, and before I knew it I'd be running behind in the rest of my assignment. I explained the difficulty I was having with her to my supervisors and it seems like, at least for now, they're giving me a different section.
So I was working last night and I was assigned hall feeding. I'm used to passing out trays in the dining room and hall assignment is a bit harder than DR. Anyway, I was passing out the trays and I made a STUPID STUPID mistake. For one of the residents, I was having trouble lowering his bedside table after I set his tray up, and apparently it was too high up for him to reach and he accidentally spilled water on himself trying to get to it. My partner got mad at me and accused me of spilling it on him myself (which I did NOT do) and we had to do a whole bed change on him. I just felt so stupid that I couldn't even get a simple thing like lowering a bed table right. If my mistake hadn't been caught, the resident might not have been able to get to eat because his table was out of reach. On top of that, I take forever feeding and passing out the trays and I know the other aides wonder *** is wrong with me because I take so long. They're already all done feeding and picking up the trays and are putting their residents back to bed, and I'm still in the process of feeding. One of the nurses is always talking down to me and giving me dirty looks, even though I smile at her and try to be friendly.
I just know at this point that they're gonna say it's too much trying to work with me and train me, that I'm a clueless idiot and just not gonna get it, and fire me. I'm PRN so I don't know my schedule for the upcoming week, but I'm sure I'm not on it at this point. I've been extremely depressed and have constant nightmares about work. I'm just tired of feeling like a huge failure and like I'll never get anywhere in life and never be good enough for anything more than flipping burgers. It seems like any good job I get, I lose.

First, how long we're you on orientation? Was it adequate enough?

Second, one of the most important qualities in CNA work and other such nursing fields is confidence. You have to deal with the patients/ residence in a manner in which you act like you know what you're doing and you're not afraid. You have to believe in yourself. All this negativity you feel about yourself is shining through to your patients/residents and your coworkers. Be more confident in yourself!!!

Third, it's a hard and scary job. But you'll get it. Just know that and keep your head up. While training .... Before my certification exam, I was terrified every day. I took had nightmares. I was certain that I wanted to do this but I was also certain that I was not fast enough nor skilled enough for it. But and I was complemented so much by my trainers as well as the woman who observed me for the state exam that I then knew I was just being silly and that I could do this. and i could do it well! I quickly got hired at a State Hospital in my area and I was oriented for about two weeks. Some people are on orientation excuse for a whole month or more ....Mine lasted 10 days they thought I was that good after that. Within two months of working there they had me training another new employee. I have so much confidence in my skills now and it's just a lot easier to do your job that way .... you have to believe in yourself ....you might just think your coworkers are looking down upon you. I thought the same thing when I first started but its just because your care a lot about your job and what you do that you're worried you're not up to par. you may just think that the people you work with feel that way you think they do about you but in all reality it's probably all just in your head. And if it's not then they're a bunch of jerks because they should recall back to the time when they first started and how scary it was to start something new and deal with new people. Just keep your head up sweetheart and you'll be fine. If its what you really want you'll keep at it! Good luck!

blondebabe0625 · Jun 11, 2013

@wheels28 yeah it really makes it hard to give respect when you're not getting it. This happens a lot in nursing

rosey200735 · Jun 11, 2013

I haven't read the other posts but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Everyone was new at one time and you are not going to have everything down until you get more experience. I wasn't treated well when I first started doing this line of work and now it is a lot better. One thing that came in really handy for me when I was new was to watch and really listen to the more experienced aides. I was surprised at how many tricks I learned from doing that.

mintygirl · Jun 14, 2013

Sounds like the person training you just plain sucks. And anytime an experienced cna passes off the blame to a newbie is well a red flag. I'd keep an eye on that person and apologize, but not too much. They all have been "new" at one point so I don't understand why they are giving you the 3rd degree. Point is you passed and your a CNA now. That's why they have you on 90's probation and that's why the state gives employees 90 days to get the job down. In all honesty nursing is a field that's just always changing and its not a day in and day out job until you mastered it but even then you know that the unexpected can happen.

I once had a pt throw themselves on the floor in front of staff and everybody when she found out she wasn't going to have her regular cna but a different one. She didn't even know it was me! :eek: So pt's themselves can be abusive. Just hold out, take one day at a time, you'll make it.

Jessicainsantafe · Jun 16, 2013

TurtleCat,

You are SO not alone in how you feel. I'm a CNA who only worked in an LTC for 4 days. I couldn't handle it either. Home Health is both easier and more difficult--you only have one client to assist, but you are in their home, and you have to be creative in some things (like a plastic lawn chair for a shower, things like that.) On my 4th day at the LTC, I made sure everyone on my side of the wing was cleaned up, fed, showered....and then turned in my ID card and AccuNurse headset. It wasn't worth it for me.

And just like you, I am about to start those RN classes and I'm thinking, do I have it what it takes? It has taken me two years to finish the pre-req's and working as a CNA is tough, and I am kind of nervous about the class load to come. I think the first semester will be the deciding factor for me. If this doesn't work, then I'm switching my major to Mathematics....but will continue to be the best CNA I can be!

I wish you luck in your endeavors. I know you will make the right choice as far as your career goes.