Where do I belong??

[lorabel]

Hi. I am looking for advice or encouragement from experienced nurses. How or when do you find where you belong? I am new..only worked 4 months in Onco and had a HORRIBLE experience with staff, etc. I left and am looking for a new job. I liked the hospital environment but needed a slower paced unit. There are no openings in the hospitals around me..can you believe that? No openings that is except for ones requiring 2 yrs med/surg or something. I applied to a couple LTC facilities. My heart says i belong in the hospital.......I have never worked anywhere else obviously.......Do you think that since the busy unit I was on wasnt a good fit for me that I should forget about hospital employment all together? I am very compassionate and caring....I was good with my onco patients and the geriatrics as well. I dont know if I should take the first job thats offered to me or what. My impression and it is probably wrong, is that LTC involves mostly med passes and paperwork........I need to interact with patients and make a difference in their lives......sometimes its the small things that matter most. I dont know where I belong and feel so lost and defeated. I beat myself up so badly that I find myself wondering if I have what it takes to be a nurse. In my heart I know nursing is my calling...I'm just trying to find the door that opened when the other closed. I really need advice! Help me please!!!!

[lorabel]

Wow! thank you! Since I left that horrible oncology unit, I went into a LTC facilityfor 4 months. My residents cried when I told them i was leaving. Really pulled at my heart strings. imagine..a grown man crying becoz the insulin I gave him would be "the last shot I ever gave him." So sad...... I loved my residents but felt I needed to do more. As I said i am a fairly new nurse...one year now, and i just felt like I needed to learn more and do more. I gained back some of my confidence and decided that I needed to get back on that horse and ride!!!!!!!! I am now on a telemetry unit for 4 months and loving it! I had the most wonderful preceptor! Matter of fact, the hospital just started a new orientation program and i was the first orientee to go through it. i had such a good experience that my preceptor and i were asked to speak to the student nurses at a recruitment luncheon! I was scared to death as I am NOT a public speaker. I managed to get through it. they wanted me to talk about my experience at the horrible unit and kind of compare orientations...so I did. My knees were shaking and my mouth was dry as the sahara but I said what was in my heart. The nurse recruiter said we did so well that they want us back next year! My response...in your dreams! lol! I FEEL like a real nurse! I love my job and the people i work with. Not all nurses eat their young! My preceptor and i came up with some little quotes....fake it til you make, my favorite..."don't poke the skunk!", expect the unexpected, YOU are in control..(because I have a hard time getting out the room when i have a talker!) my personal quote becoz of my previous experience..."I may swim with sharks but i don't have to be their food!" they actually printed the sayings up, laminated them and handed them out to all the preceptors hospital-wide! I am still kind of gun shy with certain things because of things that happened on the oncology unit. I panic over little things sometimes and they laugh at me...not YELL at me! such a good feeling to know I have the support of the seasoned nurses! the docs are mostly great...always a few that are a little less nice......so yes...I think I find my cupt of tea!