What do you think?

[gesm9]

Hello Everyone,

I have been struggling with a question that is very important to me. I started college in 2000. I believed that God called me to be a nurse for such a long time now. I got my general's and prerequisites done. In 2004 I started a nursing program I was dismissed in the 1st semester for checking my patient's blood glucose, it was ordered b.i.d. and I did it again. I didn't know I just knew that one of his meds was insulin and that I needed to check his b.g. or b.s. Mind you I was only a nursing student for 2 months at that point. During my prereq's I started getting dizzy and having panic attacks. I applied to schools and in 2007 was accepted to another program, after taking a few more prereq's for that school I started the nursing program. I did well academically but suffered really bad panic/anxiety attacks. I felt like I was gonna pass out. Exactly 1 week before school started I got hit with an episode of vertigo ( I have had it 2 before). I thought I would be better before the 2nd semester started. I wasn't I felt awful for 12 days. I was unable to start the 2nd semester. I was so upset! I question God. Does he really want me to be a nurse? If so why so many interferences? Why so much struggle and battle? Why so much to have to fight against? Academically I do well, but when I am battling the panic/anxiety/dizziness it does affect how well I am able to pay attention, focus, and concentrate. I also worked as a M.A. (medical assistant) for 18 months in an Urgent Care under the supervision of E.R. physicians. During that time I gave hundreds of injections assisted with sutures, cleaned wounds, set up sterile feilds, and drew blood. A few times I had patients have vasovagal reactions to the injections and blood draws. A patient actually fainted while I had the needle in his arm. I was able to perform my job well. While in nursing school I was still working and I began to freak out at work about drawing blood. I can't believe it. Can you imagine? You are the patient there to get your blood drawn and the phlebotomist (I am a CPT certified phlebotomy tech) faints instead of you. I don't know what to think. Am I right for nursing? I have a big heart and I would love to be a nurse not for the money but to be a professional with knowledge and skill who gives great care to those in need. What do you think?:imbar

[AmyL]

Since you've been able to draw blood and perform these actions before without any difficulty, you have to consider a psychological component to your issue.

One, dig deep. Are you afraid of failure? You ask us what God really wants for you, but also consider: what do you really want for you? Not saying this has anything to do with your specific situation, but it has happened before where a "physical" problem will occur due to a psychological stressor.

Therefore, counseling is an option. Your physician may also want to put you on an antidepressant. This does not mean you are depressed or psychotic, etc. It can be a low dose which still allows you to function as a nurse, but relieves you of your heightened anxiety during your clinical situation.

If you feel that your stress response during clinicals is more of a real adrenaline rush rather than an anxiety response, you can also request a trial of beta blockers, which will not make you "calm" but will slow down HR and inhibit stress response/stage fright feelings.

None of us here can tell you if you should be a nurse or not. Only you know what you're capable of, what you want, and how far you can get it. But dealing with issues of my own, I want to tell you what someone told me: if you fail, you are the person who gets to decide if you try again. The worst case scenario in this situation is that you will noKt be a nurse. It's not a diagnosis of terminal cancer; the people who love you will not stop loving you. You will continue to wake up in the morning.

And if it makes you feel better to be anxious/cry, then do it. Just don't do it at work. All of us has stress of varying levels... the important part is to still function in society. You can do that. So go you.