gesm9

Hello Everyone, I have been struggling with a question that is very important to me. I started college in 2000. I believed that God called me to be a nurse for such a long time now. I got my general's and prerequisites done. In 2004 I started a nursing program I was dismissed in the 1st semester for checking my patient's blood glucose, it was ordered b.i.d. and I did it again. I didn't know I just knew that one of his meds was insulin and that I needed to check his b.g. or b.s. Mind you I was only a nursing student for 2 months at that point. During my prereq's I started getting dizzy and having panic attacks. I applied to schools and in 2007 was accepted to another program, after taking a few more prereq's for that school I started the nursing program. I did well academically but suffered really bad panic/anxiety attacks. I felt like I was gonna pass out. Exactly 1 week before school started I got hit with an episode of vertigo ( I have had it 2 before). I thought I would be better before the 2nd semester started. I wasn't I felt awful for 12 days. I was unable to start the 2nd semester. I was so upset! I question God. Does he really want me to be a nurse? If so why so many interferences? Why so much struggle and battle? Why so much to have to fight against? Academically I do well, but when I am battling the panic/anxiety/dizziness it does affect how well I am able to pay attention, focus, and concentrate. I also worked as a M.A. (medical assistant) for 18 months in an Urgent Care under the supervision of E.R. physicians. During that time I gave hundreds of injections assisted with sutures, cleaned wounds, set up sterile feilds, and drew blood. A few times I had patients have vasovagal reactions to the injections and blood draws. A patient actually fainted while I had the needle in his arm. I was able to perform my job well. While in nursing school I was still working and I began to freak out at work about drawing blood. I can't believe it. Can you imagine? You are the patient there to get your blood drawn and the phlebotomist (I am a CPT certified phlebotomy tech) faints instead of you. I don't know what to think. Am I right for nursing? I have a big heart and I would love to be a nurse not for the money but to be a professional with knowledge and skill who gives great care to those in need. What do you think?:imbar

I agree I totally think the fear comes in takes a hold and does a death roll. I have a real problem with worry, fear, and anxiety. I am trying really hard to work it out. Thank you so much for your insight!

Thank you all so much for your postings. To ER bunny and all the others wondering, I worked for an M.A. for 18 months. As an M.A. you operate under the license of the physician. I have given hundreds of I.M. injections, I have a license to draw blood and have over a hundred draws. I have always been a nervous to do injections and draw blood. I can't say that I like poking people. I don't want to inflict pain period. I try to be as gentle as possible. I worked in an urgent care clinic for the 18 months under E.R. physicians. I was always very careful and thank God never had any med errors. The anxiety hit an all time high once nursing school began. Terror set in and I was literally gripped with fear. To all those who are supportive THANK YOU so much. I know a few of the postings reccomend that nursing may not be for me. I often question myself. BUT, I will continue to pray to GOD and see were he leads me. I know that if I make it, it is by his hand. If I don't sure I'll cry and be hurt but as life goes on I am learning to trust him. I know that GOD knows what is best for me to do. I want to make it clear, I want to be the best and safest nurse possible. I have come such a long way and I know that there is so much more ahead. I am going to try really hard to enjoy the experience. I tell myself FAITH not fear, PEACE not panic, and ASSURANCE not anxiety.

Thank you all for even taking the time to read and respond to my concern. I do have a problem with panic/anxiety. I was put on SSRI's but they didn't help. I don't like to be on meds. I appreciate all of your comments. I believe in GOD!!!!!!! I have believed for so long that he called me to be a nurse. Not for the money! To care for people and give of myself. I have a big heart and if it is not in use I am unhappy. I never knew all that nursing really entailed. But how could I? You never know till you actually get there! I am trying to pray and really rely on God! He has brought me this far. I have a book Light my Path for Nurses. Under FEAR is a quote, "How very little can be done when operating under the spirit of fear." Now guess my fellow nursing students who said it? None other than the mother of nursing MS. FLORENCE NIGHTENGALE. WOW! I know I need alot of support. Right now I am really trying to work on it with help from ALMIGHTY GOD!

I have tried to talk to classmates and it just seems like everyone is excited about the things that terrify me. I haven't talked to an instructor I feel like they would think I was crazy. In med-surg I had to go to the G.I. lab I cried like crazy before having to go to clinicals. I was just gonna call in and quit. I got there, cried and made it through. I was so glad that I did not have to go to ortho clinic and see an amputation like my other classmates did. I do not want to go to the O.R., E.R., ect. God I just don't know if I can do it. I really want to become a nurse but I am terrifed of the responsibility, the stresses, and I am terrified to make a mistake because I could really hurt someone. When school started I was terrified, scared to fail and scared to pass. I don't want to give up. Am I crazy, I mean the nurse can't be the one fainting. It is like the fight or flight thing. I just want to run for my life, ya know!

Hello, I am on summer break and will start the 2nd semester of nursing school in August. I barely made it through the 1st semester. It is overwhelming to say the least. I started college in 2000 and was in an R.N. program in 2004. I did not make it. It took 3 years to get into another program. I am doing well academically. My worry, fear, and anxiety has turned into panic:bluecry1:. I have panic attacks and it started in clinicals and has carried into lecture:(. I have all kinds of physical symptoms, like, dizziness, light headedness, sweating, pounding heart, feeling like I am going to faint, frequent urgent urination. I have spent so much time crying and trying to control it. I am on break now but at times terrified of next semseter. I have always wanted to be a nurse. I have fought hard just to get to this point. I don't know what to do:imbar. I find myself being terrified of thinking of drawing blood, starting I.V.'s, giving meds, ect:cry:. I should mention that I am also a certified phlebotomist and have done over 100 draws. I have also worked as a medical assistant and given hundreds of injections. I don't know what happened to me. Once nursing school started the fear intensified and I couldn't draw blood, give shots, ect. I am stunned at this! I don't get it. I don't know what to do. In med-surg I found myself not even wanting to look into the patients rooms. I had to tell myself, "Okay this is ridiculous, they are patient's not flesh eating zombies." I cannot go on like this. Fear cannot rule. What do I do? Help?