Updated Personal Statement

[katiequinn]

Alright, so after many comments from people, I attempted to rewrite my personal statement.

What do you guys think..see below. Would really aprpeciate some input fast bc I need to give this to someone to write me a letter of recommendation.

Thx!

If I wrote that I always wanted to be a nurse, I would be lying. In fact, ever since I was a young girl I wanted to go to medical school, and this belief stayed with me through college. I firmly believed at the time that I loved science more than interacting with people, and desired to pursue a MD/PhD route. While working at my first job as a molecular biology research technician however, my happiness seemed to dwindle. I benefited greatly from working in the lab: it aided in developing my critical thinking and problem solving skills, and for that I am forever grateful. However, I still had a void within me. I began volunteering as a play space activity leader at Horizons for Homeless Children and instantly knew what was missing in my life: human care and compassion.

Working as a clinical research coordinator has allowed me to interface with many patients and experience life on an indescribable level. I can't say that all of my experiences working with patients have been so moving. I don't shed tears of joy over cleaning up after patients, trying to make every moment in the clinic perfect and dealing with a belligerent family member. But I have shed tears of joy with a woman whose husband responded to chemo; as a once thought to be hopeless father of two with stage IV metastatic disease responded to a new treatment.

On the other end of the spectrum, there have been days of grief and sadness. I have held the hand of an elderly woman when she finds out her cancer has progressed; comforted a family of four whose husband and father had just died. And while these situations are difficult, they are also filled with a passion and a desire to continue to help others. These experiences have ameliorated my decision to become a nurse.

I began speaking passionately to others about my calling. I was somewhat disheartened by their questions about my career, "Why aren't you going to medical school?" they'd ask. It's very discouraging to be told that you are, in essence, misapplying your potential. But the thing I think others are overlooking is the fact that my gifts are not limited to the deduction of logical puzzles of the intuitive grasp of certain subjects. I have developed others as an adult that are far more important to a meaningful life. They're the more immeasurable qualities of the heart. They compel me to extend my hand to strangers and to listen with compassion. I believe the knowledge, training and skill required of nurses to aid in healing is both an honor and a dream come true and I await it with much anticipation.

[ann945n, RN]

Personally I dont like the references of how you dont like medical school and such, just bad taste in my personal opinion. I REALLY like the last line you use though. I would elaborate on that, its a very nice sentence, leave out anything related to med school or peoples opinions on it.

[shock-me-sane]

I think it is REALLY good. I will agree with the above post. Change "However, I still had a void within me. I began volunteering as a play space activity leader at Horizons for Homeless Children and instantly knew what was missing in my life: human care and compassion". It makes it sound like medicine lacks human care and compassion. Maybe put something about how the volunteer position awakened that part of you and gave you the drive toward nursing.

Also maybe change the bit about liking science more than people. It comes across harsh to MDs and you will be working with them (and some profs will be PhDs).

Best of luck!