Published Jul 10, 2009
Okay so maybe I need a little encouragement. I got into the nursing thing thinking I would do the RN program and took Anatomy only since I was pregnant and I didn't want to take too many classes and have the baby halfway during the semester. Aced that but decided to do the LVN program first and do the ladder up to the RN program and possibly beyond if I have enough motivation. Currently, I'm taking two of the four pre-requisites I need for the LVN program and reality is starting to hit me.
I was cutting my daughter's nails the other day and accidentally cut her skin when she moved and it bled and bled and I tried not to panic. I finally managed to make it stop and bandaged it well so that she wouldn't get her cut wet with her saliva (she's only 2 and a half months now and likes to suck on her finger). She didn't cry so much but I felt sooo guilty and even with two of my other children who I'm sure I've done the same to, it hit me hard this time because I wondered what could happen if I was a nurse?! Some people make it seem so routine, being a nurse, but I sometimes forget that these are peoples lives in their hands. These are going to be peoples lives in MY hands. What if I do something wrong, what if I do something that makes them worse then when they came in? It's not like I can go back and say "oops!" and press the delete button. I am totally freaked out. And taking these pre-reqs aren't like taking pre-reqs for the RN program, these pre-reqs are almost like taking a nursing class..and they are, they are intros to nursing so it's a lot of work!
My husband and I decided we would sacrifice me working right now to get these classes done and get into the program. I have my B.A. already but I wasn't happy with what I was doing and wanted to go back to my first dream (which would have been easier to do had I done it when there was only one child, now I have three and I commend all who have managed to get through the program with children cause it is TOUGH!). Sometimes I'm not even sure I'm making the right choices if I should even do the LVN or just do the RN, sometimes when things like what happened with my baby scare me and I'm not even sure if I can handle being a nurse because I wouldn't want to mess up on my patient. Sometimes when I have all these papers to write and drug cards to do, I feel like giving up.
I can tell you from experience, things are COMPLETELY different when it is your kids vs. ANYONE else. I can look at blood and guts all day long (no, I am not a nurse yet) but when one of my kids are hurt or bleeding something inside makes me weak in the knees. I have done the same thing you have while cutting my little ones nails and I know how awful it makes you feel.
It sounds like you just might be struggling with yourself right now and that is ok. I am sure that everyone at one point or another has stumbled upon the "I am not cut out for this" hill. You can climb it and conquer it. Keep on moving forward. Think back to when you had your first child. Did you ever have that feeling of "what was I thinking?!?! I am not cut out to raise a kid!" Well you DID! (and went on to raise two more right?!?!) What will you tell your children when they are struggling? "It's ok hon, go ahead and give up." or "YOU CAN DO IT! I KNOW YOU CAN!!!"
We will always have struggles in life. Cliche as it may be, the good things don't come easy.
classicdame, MSN, EdD
another thing: you are really stressed now. When life gets a little more sane, and all you have to do is work and take care of family, then your anxiety level may decrease. Accidents are going to happen anyway, whether you learn how to handle them or not. Won't it be nice to be better prepared some day?
Not there yet myself, but I can empathize. I equate it to trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. It's going to take some whittling (I come from a computer/business/management background) but the end result will be worth it. No one is born a nurse, that's why we go to school. To learn, so we make the best decisions possible for our patients and keep them safe. I doubt they'll pass you through if they feel you're a threat or danger to anyone. Personally, I'm going right to RN because life has gotten in the way too often for me to do it in steps. It's less expensive, takes less time and I know I'll go to BSN right away (I'm an older student and not getting any younger)! Good luck with everything and take one day at a time!
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