I'll forgo the public self-incrimination but I lost my cool today :={
Totally understandable but not OK...
This job can just chip away and chip away and chip away at a person's veneer.
I think I need to take up Yoga or some such thing... too old for martial arts but would probably benefit from that on multiple levels.
We try so hard to be helpful but sometimes we just get beat up and beat down...
It's so easy to be judgmental from the outside... and so hard to be perfect 100% of the time...
I've come to think that one of my best and most appealing attributes -- which prevails the vast majority of the time -- has a dark side which, with enough pinging upon, can vent in ways that the system won't abide, even if understandable and rare.
I'm a very passionate and energetic person... and I strive to provide excellent care to everybody, and sacrificial to some... I endeavor to be the colleague that everybody wants... energetic, capable, diligent, committed, available, helpful, and reliable...
but perfection is simultaneously demanded and unattainable...
Passion can be a wonderful thing but it has a dark side... and today I sprung a leak.
The leak was quickly plugged but the self-recriminations and doubt are running wild for the moment... being tired doesn't help... but I'm searching about for a strategy to keep the water evermore behind the dyke.
I can't help but wonder if eliminating the passion, and really working to not give a rip, mightn't yield the remedy...
If I can cease to care, lose the passion, I can perhaps cease to invest and respond.
Perhaps I've arrived at a fork in the road, and may choose the pathway toward automaton.
Probably not, but... maybe the answer lies somewhere around that curve or over that vale.
Dunno.
Just... frustrated.
~~~
I wish there was a safe and nonjudgmental place to explore and purge. There's not... but I wish there were.
I'm a complete rookie in this field. I went in knowing that the ED was a huge strain on the mind, body, soul, and emotions. I'm a passionate person too and care very much about providing excellence in all that I do.
Knowing this, I have taken steps to combat burnout, as passionately striving and working, can be tiring. I took a yoga teacher training intensive this year and I apply the yogic philosophy and breathing techniques (pranayama) while I'm at work. I don't work overtime or work several days in a row. I bring a concealed and discrete hydration pack to the floor in order to stay hydrated. I do restorative yoga when I get home from work or on my days off. Basically, I take good care of myself and am not hard on myself when I am not 100% perfect.
Actually, it's not necessary to be perfect 100% of the time, in my opinion. As long as you know that you are doing your very best and you see that you are making a positive impact on your patients and colleagues. "Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret."
AvaRN22, MSN, RN
98 Posts
I'm a complete rookie in this field. I went in knowing that the ED was a huge strain on the mind, body, soul, and emotions. I'm a passionate person too and care very much about providing excellence in all that I do.
Knowing this, I have taken steps to combat burnout, as passionately striving and working, can be tiring. I took a yoga teacher training intensive this year and I apply the yogic philosophy and breathing techniques (pranayama) while I'm at work. I don't work overtime or work several days in a row. I bring a concealed and discrete hydration pack to the floor in order to stay hydrated. I do restorative yoga when I get home from work or on my days off. Basically, I take good care of myself and am not hard on myself when I am not 100% perfect.
Actually, it's not necessary to be perfect 100% of the time, in my opinion. As long as you know that you are doing your very best and you see that you are making a positive impact on your patients and colleagues. "Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret."