student needs advice PLEASE

I went through something similar, but with my husband at the time. What helped me was a book by Melanie Beatty, "Codependent no more". I started caring for myself, and sought counseling. I also recommend Alanon meetings. You will be better off for the rest of your life, if you learn to take care of yourself BEFORE starting your career in Nursing. Read the book, and you will know what I am talking about. You are not alone.:heartbeat

I totally agree with the previous poster about AL-anon and even the book. You are 22 years old and it appears that you have been more in the parent role than the child. That sucks. I am 20 years sober and will tell you that you can not fix your father. If you could, you would have a long time ago. The hardest thing is to let people go and decide for themselves the choices they want to make. Some people are enabled to death. Some people hit their bottom when there is no where else to go and some of us will die from our addiction. I am sorry you've had to deal with this at your age and at a time when you really need to focus on you. I am proud for you going to school and hanging in there. It was hard for me too, but I went at 40 with 3 kids.....You can do it, look how far you've come! I noticed that alot of crap hit the fan my senior year and it almost felt like "what else can go wrong?" But we are brave and strong and you will have your education that no one can ever take away from you. Keep the faith, and the best thing anyone ever did for me is prayer>> Find your nearest soones Al-anon meeting - it will change your life!!!

I agree with all of these wise people advising you to take care of yourself. I understand how hard it is and that you feel like you would be turning your back on your dad. However, I believe that if your father could get past his illness he would want you to do well in life and be happy. Unfortunately you can't help those who don't want help, if you could addiction would not be a big deal at all. My family would have certainly loved me out of it before I almost died from it. You have fought a brave fight along side your dad for years and YOU DESERVE to win your life!! Good luck.

Stick by your dad. I am in the same situation except that my father actually lives overseas and I cannot help him as much as I'd like. I write him a lot of letters and send him pictures and it seems like it helps for the most part. I asked him to stop drinking because when I finish school and come to visit him I'd like to shake his hand and hug him instead of having to put flowers on his grave. That's basically what I told him. There is only so much I can do but I can't imagine ever quitting on my dad because he was always good to me even after my parents got divorced. I hope when I start making more money I can have him move in with me and try to help him with his addiction. I don't really have any plans yet but we'll see. Make sure you get your school work done but don't leave your dad behind. Maybe he'll come to his senses and realize it's not worth going like this, you never know. Don't lose hope.

Nobody said for the OP to "quit on" or leave her dad behind. I said she may feel like she is turning her back on him, not that she should. It was just noted that she needs to take care of herself 1st. I have a friend whose father recently died of liver failure after rejecting a transplant. He was sick for months before the transplant and very sick for two weeks before he died. He expected my pal to continue working and taking care of his own for the most part (of course he did visit but only when he was financially able) B/c this is addiction based he is likely more selfish about things and somewhat him focused (i certainly was when i was using) and maybe unable to see that he is expecting to much and taking away from his daughters well being. I don't think he really wants to, its just part of his illness. I don't think she should ignore, leave behind or whatever, just that she may want to prioritize herself and her needs into things. Like your doing fUsioN86. You have wonderful ideas of how your going to help your dad AFTER you graduate and make more money. But your not prepared to drop out, move overseas and help him right now. You are taking care of yourself. Good 4 you.

I don't think she should ignore, leave behind or whatever, just that she may want to prioritize herself and her needs into things. Like your doing fUsioN86. You have wonderful ideas of how your going to help your dad AFTER you graduate and make more money. But your not prepared to drop out, move overseas and help him right now. You are taking care of yourself. Good 4 you.

I didn't think you suggested to her to leave her dad behind, I was just giving her some feedback.

I appologize if I sounded rude- i was really just wanting to clarify that i did NOT mean forget him (b/c i thought you may have read it that way and so maybe others did to) just to remember herself. I did not have an addict parent but i was/am one and stories like this make me proud to be here for my kids now. So good for you both for getting along.

I appologize if I sounded rude- i was really just wanting to clarify that i did NOT mean forget him (b/c i thought you may have read it that way and so maybe others did to)

It's no problem, and no I did not read it that way at all