struggling student survived first year with health and anxiety problems

[Dezy]

WARNING!! THIS WILL SOUND JUMBLED AND GARBLED BECAUSE I HAVE A HARD TIME ORGANIZING MY THOUGHTS.

I can not believe that I managed to survive my first year of classes. The beginning boys and girls, I tell you.... was the HARDEST.

In the beginning I took a bunch of science classes. I would study for hours on end and still manage to struggle and get crappy marks. I thought for sure I would fail. A few of my teachers were awful but after looking on rate my prof and talking to my peers it turned out a bunch of them just simply stink at teaching. I was tired of feeling like a drown rat all the time and I finally decided "yo, if I fail, I'll start of and try again. Whatever. It's not worth almost having a break down every other day."

Somehow with this attitude I managed to complete the first part of the term with barley passing grades (im not afraid to admit it).

All the time i spent thinking, I always here these stories of people working hard or not and some how managing awesome grades.... this is part of what was stressing me out and making me do poor. Once I stopped giving two craps, everything was easier however... I found out I had a few health concerns along the way.

During this time I had gone to the doctor for one reason or another and I discovered I had a low platelet count and I needed some tests... ultrasounds blood work etc. Later on I had a slight enlarged lymph node... I'm a worry freak and I worried about these things in general like crazy. I kept thinking of great just what I need before tests and such. How will I pull this off?? I began to also worry that I would have to quit school due to these problems. Finally one day I told myself to shut the hell up, and deal with it when I get there.. somehow I pulled it off and managed to keep the worrying at bay enough so I could get through my studies. I also started going to church to help give my soul some kind of peace... I didnt want to go back to church in this point in my life because I don't like religion... but God and I were tight with eachother and I wanted to improve our relationship and I figured it might help. Shortly after I started going.. I was sleeping better... I struggled with doing well but little by little I managed to pull my marks up from just passing to average and a little above in some classes. I would work out and focus on feeling good and thinking in positive. Hard in the beginning but I told myself I no longer wanted anything negative to effect me. Life is too short for it.

Finally I had my tests one by one get completed. Ultrasound found everything is good although I have little cysts on my kidneys... this will not cause me any real problems...and as it has turned out I have ITP... and a autoimmune condition with my platelets however.... things have been fine and I have had no real issues. Doc and i discussed treatment if I ever found myself falling into serious problems. The good news is, this currently effects my life in no way. The lymph node problem is just reactive and has no real issues. After one more test I should be able to say I have pretty good health.

Again I know this all sounds super jumbled.. your wondering what is this crazy person trying to say???

I am not a awesome student at all but I try hard. Not just with the school work but life too. I hope anyone thats read this that had similar issues can see my struggle and get some kind of hope to carry on. We dont have to be perfect we just have to get through and be the best we can be.

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