Struggling, crying on shift, stressed and not sure if i want to be Nurse Assistant

Published

Hi everyone. I hope I put this in right place, as I thought being a nurse assistant could be in general nursing?!

I'm having a really tough time being a CNA. Heres a bit about my place: I'm currently working in the NHS on a respiratory ward, 27 beds, 4 nurses, 1 sister, 2 CNA's and maybe a short shift CNA on too sometimes. 7am-8pm LD 12 hr shifts etc, x3 a week. We have the highest mortality rate in the whole hospital and usually very very poorly people are what we get.

Basically, I'm really struggling and constantly in tears over what staff have said and if something on shift effects me. I feel like I'm always running around after people, can't do my job properly because of lack of staff etc!! I'm usually treated as someone who just gets call bells and cleans commodes. I had one nurse actually come find me at the bottom of the ward and say "oh when your free can you get .... a commode/ get ... stoma sorted/ sort out .... messy sheets" when she walked past the patient, ignored them and came to find me to do it instead. I was busy helping another patient and about to feed assist someone else. I feel like a slave and very undervalued, especially when I'm really left out of all the team/clique. I really don't fancy the xmas party, as I feel awkward around them all. I'm always giving a helping hand to them all, always checking on them and seeing if they need help but this always goes unnoticed when families compliment me to ward manager/sisters and other nurses. I've stopped doing so much extra leg work for them all now cus all I get is funny looks, and sly gossipy conversations that stop when I come near the desk. I've stopped being so desparate to be part of their team/clique as they've known each other for ages and ages and I'm sick of being the one trying to blend in all. the. time. I'm only there for patient care.

I took 3 days off, not in a row as I felt riddled with panic and anxiety which made me feel so sick. Management took me aside and said "no more days off for 4 months or disciplinary action, we have nurses come in who go throw up in staff toilet and come back out on ward and get working so..." I hate that, I already felt guilty enough for feeling awful, makes me feel like everything I do or feel is so invalid. Also thats awful a nurse going back in, spreading germs.

One patient pulled his trachy out and I hadnt realised till I pulled his gown down, biggest scare ever that made me cry again. whole other story. it was horrible.

I was left by myself to sort out a dead patients stuff

We were under staffed and I was wizzing round like a blue bottle fly (literally as my NHS uniform is very blue lol) and there was no one around to feed people who were immobile/stroke/very ill so was forgotten about by everyone! They couldn't press call bell as their hands had lost feeling. I noticed their plates were untouched and STONE COLD, I'VE NEVER APOLOGISED to a patient so much, I ran into the kitchen to cry. I couldn't stop thinking about them being my mother/father/siblings left without help or food. I couldnt control my crying. It was this that made me question being in this profession, I started this job because I wanted to do Nursing and loved people, but I don't get to showcase my people skills or care properly at all but now I'm thinking seriously about Occupational therapy.

It's not all doom & gloom I have learned really valuable and positive things here I'll never forget and always cherish, like letters sent to me to the ward from patients.

I have been told I'm a great Nurse and complimented on how well I get on with bed baths, washes, dressing and bed making in the morning and how neat and tidy I am with them all. I've been told I would make a great Nurse and that I'm so kind, compassionate and patient with my patients. But most of the time, I feel burnt out and other CNA's have clarified 'how can we even provide good patient care with less staff helping out'.

I just can't believe how crazy, sad, stressful, upsetting it's all been and I've been there 6 months.... Any advice would be grateful, I am applying to other jobs and looking at therapy support.

Specializes in Psychiatric RN & Retired Psychiatric CNA.

Wow. I just made a similar thread but I work in a nursing home. Maybe see if there are any other needs on better staffed floors.

+ Join the Discussion