stressed & taking it out on loved ones

Ruby Vee, BSN · Dec 8, 2017

Hello fellow nurses. I have a huge dilemma and its eating me inside and am hoping some of you have some tips/advice. Quick background: worked as a nurses aid in a trauma level 1 step-down unit for 2 1/2 yrs then moved up within the same unit as an RN for 1 1/2 years and recently (october) left that hospital for another in a different step-down unit.
This new job is now what I had hoped it would be. The unit itself has only two nurses who have been there for over 2 years and has high turn around. The management of this unit (managers, educators, director) has awful communication amongst one another and are very disorganized yet micromanage as if they're very proficient. .... Needless to say I am not thrilled to be here and see room for vast improvement.
I live with my boyfriend and come home lately very stressed. I either vent or unfortunately just have a downright bad attitude with a short fuse. We recently moved in together and i believe I've been the cause for a large amount of our arguments. I want to leave work at work and be excited to come home to him. I dont want to rain on his parade when he had a great day. What can I do??

Knowing that you've been the cause of many arguments is a very big step.

I'm wondering if a part of your stress is the new living situation as well as your job. I don't know the answer to that, and it's none of my business. But it's something for you to think about.

TALK to your boyfriend and get his take. He may not think things are as dire as you do. Or he may think they're worse. Acknowledging your short fuse and bad attitude may spark a conversation that will enable you to work out strategies for managing your stress. Maybe he needs to leave you alone for an hour after you get home, maybe you need to spend half an hour at Starbucks writing about your day in a journal before you go home to your boyfriend. Maybe you need to park your car at the farthest corner of the hospital parking lot and walk a couple of miles to de-stress before you get into your car to drive home. Or walk past several bus stops if you're taking the bus.

Things that have always helped me to manage stress: walking and journalling. There were days when I'd come home from a 12 hour shift and walk my dogs four, maybe five or six miles. (One time I walked so far the dogs were too pooped to walk back and I had to call my husband to come and pick us up.) And journalling helps immensely. I make a practice of writing for 20 minutes every day, even if I have no idea what I want to write about. I sit down, and if I don't know what to say, I just write "I don't know what to write" over and over again. I have never gone through 20 minutes without my feelings starting to emerge on the paper -- and sometimes I end up writing for an hour about something I didn't realize was bothering me until I saw it start to come out on paper.

Talk to your boyfriend. He's on your side. (And if he isn't, get rid of him.)