Still completely lost about path

mc0306 · Mar 23, 2012

Oh my, you sound like me. I think you are worrying too much about the small things that can be taken care of as you go. Dont stop yourself before you start. You have come this far, dont quit now. Im sure your husband will understand. I have done my best to make sure that my husband is aware of all the things he will be responsible for once I am in nursing school. He is ok with it.

I would choose the one that I want to do most. Personally, I think you should go the RN route because there are so many avenues in nursing. You could always do an ADN and then continue on for your bachelors in social work.

Anyway, thats my opinion. Whatever you choose, I am sure you will do just fine. Just take one day at a time. :)

missnurse01, MSN, RN · Mar 23, 2012

I feel that you need to shadow-in all areas if you can-the ob office (which you very probably won't be doing as an RN), the oncology (have you thought about research nursing?), the SW. Yes, in many areas SW jobs are very very hard to come by, I know of several that are having a tough go and have returned to school. If money isn't the issue, have you thought about med assistant? You would have more likely-hood of working in an office of either type. You like oncology-have you thought about radiation therapy? (not rad technologist).

If you are not extremely devoted and into your path, the day to day grind of getting through school and juggling family is going to be a killer. You have to have that drive, that all the sacrifice is worth it, otherwise forcing yourself to do it all is hard.

Good luck, and go shadow!

me

OBplease · Mar 23, 2012

Thank you both for your perspective.

Yes, I'm sure I'm worrying too much, mostly about my family. I had three hospitals stays with two of my children since Jan. and it was stressful worrying about who was going to take care of children. Our parents see us as really responsible and for some reason that means we need no help. My mother actually says.."The one that is most broke gets the glue." They do not keep the kids now at all, so worrying about needing random care seems like a big deal. The hospital incidents were fluke things and nothing I expect to happen again but even thinking about my husband worrying about not being at work and if his customers would be mad was stressful. I have great daycare and all but one of my kids will be in school, so it's more sick coverage, school pick ups, and Dr. appointments that I am concerned about.

I have the drive to do both. I feel like I would be equally good at both. I have always been the 'NS' and 'SW' (no offense to those who actually are) in my family....meaning I'm usually the one advocating for care or services or the one that is sought out by family and friends for problem solving. I enjoy being able to be a resource for people and that is why I would enjoy both. There is something else attached to the nursing though..I have had my heart set on it for the last 17 years.

I think I need to go ahead and do the LVN program. They are the ones who usually work at the offices in my area anyway. The scheduling still scares me but I think it's worth a try. I do eventually want to do labor and delivery, when my kids are older and can handle the scheduling so I will do the second year.

Thank you both again.

ixchel · Mar 25, 2012

I may be reading this incorrectly, and if so, I apologize, but it sounds to me like your plans and goals are not being taken seriously by those around you. I come to this conclusion because I've dealt with the same concern myself. When I first decided to go back to school, I felt like my schedule was an inconvenience to my husband. My MIL got royally p!ssed at me because she thought DH was going back to school, but instead, I was. She actually told me she would not watch the kids if it was to help me with school because she wanted DH to go back. (Thankfully, I could reason with her when she calmed down-- I filled out all of the FAFSA and application stuff for DH and he is the one who chose not to go back. He had my full support to go, and when MIL realized that, she came around.)

I think DH thought school was just this hobby, or phase I was going through and I'd get over it. Now, 2 years later, he recognizes the legitimacy of what I am doing and he does have a different attitude about it. We've also not been in a very good financial position, so he sees the need for me to finish. I think that SAHMs get placed in this narrow stereotype sometimes that we aren't supposed to have anything or want anything beyond being a home maker. It's a very unfair mindset for those of us who recognize the need to be an individual beyond "mommy". That's not to say that our children and husband are not the center of our world, but it is okay to want something beyond being a domestic goddess.

Stick with it, and don't let this discourage you. And (this is a big one) ASK for help from your family when you need it. Your children deserve a relationship with extended family just as much as the "broke" family members do, and your relatives need to understand that. Ask for help from them when you need it. And if they tell you no, find a friend who is willing to do babysitting swaps (they watch your kids one day, you watch theirs the next) or find a sitter you trust. Don't let the attitudes of others hold you back. YOU are in charge of your path in life. Make it the path you want.

You are welcome to PM me any time you want support or just to vent. It's hard to lack the proper support when you have a dream of your own and people aren't taking it seriously.

OBplease · Mar 26, 2012

ixchel...I don't know what else to say except, you are right on all accounts. I really appreciate your pep talk and understanding. It's so hard to keep yourself going sometimes without support. It's hard to know how much is o.k. to put your family through when the last 9 years has been all about making everyone else's life run smoothly. I love them but I have completely given up myself. I've been in school for the last two years and I thought reqs. would kind of be the adjustment period for everyone but here two years later, I still feel like I'm having to fight for my right to be back in school. I totally understand what you are talking about with your MIL. Mine was not excited about me going back because she thought it would put too much stress on my husband.

I'm trying to hold onto some excitement and figure out what is reasonable to expect from others. Thanks again!

dragonfly414 · Mar 26, 2012

My Mom has been a nurse for 30+ years so I have my fair share of experience with being on the family side of nursing. I was at daycare at 6:30 am and caught the bus to school from there because my mom had to be to work at 7. It was a small daycare, owned and operated by a licensed woman out of her own home in my hometown. I'm still friends with many kids I went to preschool/daycare with and every year I mail Diane who owns the daycare a Christmas card! If it is financially possible, kids being in daycare is not the end of the world, you just have to find the right ones.

For a while she worked 7-3 but the 8 hour shifts dwindled and have now been completely phased out for floor nurses at the hospital she works in. Since my Dad is a merchant marine, he was gone 4 weeks out of 6 when I was young and wasn't able to be home to be with me. I was born long after my Mom finished nursing school, but her work schedule was definitely difficult in regards to raising me. On weekends and nights when she was working and my Dad was at sea, many times I would go to one of her coworkers houses. My grandparents were struggling with the decline of their own health and so they were not an option for childcare past age 5 or so. The time I did have with them before they passed is treasured, but they were not able to watch me for very long.

Some how my Mom worked 40 hours a week as a floor nurse, cared for her dying parents who passed when she was just 37 within 9 months of each other, dealt as best as she could with her longtime boyfriend's drinking problem, and raised me. It wasn't ideal all the time every time, but she made it work as best as she could and I came out just fine. I never felt deprived or neglected. She loved me and we still did all kinds of family things like camping, fishing, boating, and skiing, but there were days that she had to go to work plain and simple.

She made sure to request off special events if I had them so she could attend. She taught me that holding a professional license and working hard were things to be proud of and were important to maintaining independence as a woman. Children are usually pretty adaptable, but whatever it was that I hadn't adapted to, I learned to adapt to and it has made me a better person. I still have close relationships with everyone who watched me while she and my Dad were working. They became part of my family. I'm now almost 25, graduating with a B.S. in Health Sciences, and headed for nursing school this fall. My Mom has left floor nursing and entered into the cardiology department as an RN in the Cath lab from 7 to between 3 and 5, Monday through Friday.

As far as social work goes, I think there is a lot of burn out in that field especially for anyone who isn't a clinician with an MSW. I commend anyone who can do it because I'm not sure I could. Whatever you choose, you will find a way to make it work for you and your family. Good luck!

OBplease · Mar 28, 2012

dragonfly414- Thank you so much for your perspective. I have a great daycare. My youngest two go for preschool, while I do school and to be quite honest because I (and they) really have no one else we can depend on. I felt it best for them to have other people in their life. I know I can depend on them, they are great. Hopefully there will be enough coverage for the rest of it.

I'm feeling a little burnt out right now, just related to worrying about the particulars with school. Hoping I can get my drive back soon and feel the energy to do this.