Published Aug 29, 2013
BluePotion, LPN
18 Posts
Okay. I need some advice.
I work at a men's prison in the cell block. I've been trying desperately, but I can no longer lie to myself or anyone else: I want to leave this job.
I'm really disappointed in myself now because I am not a quitter. It's been four months, and I was ready to fly the coop at two months! Every time I have to go to work at this prison, I want to get in my truck with my partner and my cat and run away wherever we can.
I can't decide what makes me hate this job. Or if I hate this job or something about it. I know work is work--I don't mind working! But I don't have problems with the offenders. I have problems with some of the staff, security and non-security. One security team is awesome. They always help me, escort me down the tiers for pill calls, and make sure safety is key. The other team is a bit more lax. They leave me on the tiers alone because "I'm a guy," and I "can handle myself" because I'm "not a female." And I'm scared to report these officers because they could get the offenders to do something to my loved ones or me.
I won't even talk about how some of the staff treat me based on the fact I'm a gay man. Tons of overt discrimination.
My manager is overdramatic (which is mostly fine) but also a bully, preaching teamwork then watching nurses drown in work while walking around with papers in her hands most of the day. The administration is told they are not to do hands-on work apparently, they are only to manage and supervise. That bothers me. This is the first time in my life I've had health insurance and have not had to struggle financially. I'm scared to leave this job because I haven't made a year, and it's my first job. I took this job because I couldn't find anything that wasn't LTC without experience.
My partner tells me that if I leave this job, he'll support my decision and money isn't everything. I want to stay a year, but would six months look horrible on a resume? The stress and anxiety that this job is causing me has bled into my personal life. I'm scared that my passion for nursing will die if I don't get out ASAP.
I'm also scared that people won't count my experience since I've heard people say corrections experience carries a stigma. I go to work and pass pills and fill out oodles of redundant paperwork. Can I leave at six months? Should I just apply for jobs and hope someone likes me enough to say, "Work for me!" and stop holding myself hostage in a place where I'm obviously miserable?
Help me someone, please! I know that was a lot of whining. I apologize in advance. Whining aggravates me, but I have bottled this up for too long without venting to anyone but my partner. Please give me some guidance, nurses. I pass pills all day, fill out paperwork that no one ever seems to read, and I don't get to do most of the things I learned in nursing school. I don't feel challenged. (Sorry, I guess my milleneal is showing.)
lhflanurseNP, APRN
737 Posts
I have had a job in which I cried everyday that I got home for six months. I finally said enough is enough, quit, and found another job. The replacement was less money, but I was happy!!!!! Remember, you are at work 1/3 of your life, if you are this miserable...get out. Of course, with the industry as it is now, I would look for another job before I quit unless you can afford not to work for a while.
Orca, ADN, ASN, RN
2,066 Posts
I will try to address the most important points.
I have problems with some of the staff, security and non-security. One security team is awesome. They always help me, escort me down the tiers for pill calls, and make sure safety is key. The other team is a bit more lax. They leave me on the tiers alone because "I'm a guy," and I "can handle myself" because I'm "not a female." And I'm scared to report these officers because they could get the offenders to do something to my loved ones or me.
I believe that you're being overly paranoid in regard to the second security team. The best way to address it is to begin by checking your facility's policies. I am certain that they require escort of non-custody personnel on the cell blocks. If one team is not following that policy, it should be reported through your chain of command. State that the second team is not following facility policy, and there is potential for an incident as a result. I have found that most custody shift commanders are sticklers for adhering to written policies, because it is in their best interest. My guess is that whoever is leading the second team is unaware that some of his/her people are cutting corners by not escorting you.
Without details it is difficult for me to say whether there is discrimination or not. You may also be assuming that some people know about your sexual orientation when they do not. Unless you have expressly told people, I'm not sure how they would know. If you have, I wonder about your motivation in doing so.
My manager is overdramatic (which is mostly fine) but also a bully, preaching teamwork then watching nurses drown in work while walking around with papers in her hands most of the day.
Unless there is something you have left out, I don't see any bullying going on here. Perhaps there is some inconsiderate behavior (for instance, allowing people to drown in work while the manager is not busy), but I don't see any intimidation from what you have described. You also don't know the nature of those "papers in her hands most of the day". As a manager, a lot of my job is paperwork, and the vast majority of it has deadlines. Payroll, employee matters, staffing, scheduling, evaluations, budget preparation, purchase justification, and a myriad of other things that come up. Things aren't always as they appear to be. My DON made decisions sometimes that left me shaking my head. Now that I occupy the same chair I have a much better idea of where he was coming from, and I see the logic in his thinking that escaped me when I was line staff.
The administration is told they are not to do hands-on work apparently, they are only to manage and supervise. That bothers me.
Being an upper level manager myself, I can speak from personal experience on this. I started in the trenches, so I am fully aware of what goes on on the front lines. However, I can guarantee that those who work for me don't know half of what I am responsible for and all that goes into keeping the place running, making sure that we have everything we need, dealing with constant demands to cut costs, ensuring that we have enough people on duty to run the place regardless of who is on leave or calls off, making sure that everyone knows their daily assignments and so forth. I don't advertise what I do, so most of my employees are not aware of it. If I do my job correctly, a lot of what I do is invisible to my staff, and there are a lot of issues that they never have to concern themselves with as a result. If you are bothered by the fact that managers manage, you may be in for a long career.
I want to stay a year, but would six months look horrible on a resume? The stress and anxiety that this job is causing me has bled into my personal life. I'm scared that my passion for nursing will die if I don't get out ASAP.
If your first job kills your passion for nursing, it wasn't very deep to begin with. As far as leaving a job after six months, in and of itself it isn't terrible. Just bear in mind that the second employer will see that you have less than a year in nusring and you have already left/are leaving one job, and they may question your resolve. The job market is not strong, and any advantage you can give yourself is a plus.
I'm also scared that people won't count my experience since I've heard people say corrections experience carries a stigma. I go to work and pass pills and fill out oodles of redundant paperwork.
If that is the way you describe it, you won't be hired anywhere else. I am certain that there is a lot more to your job than that. There was certainly a lot more to mine. If you decide to move on, you need to build a strong resume that highlights your skills and the things that you have done.
Can I leave at six months? Should I just apply for jobs and hope someone likes me enough to say, "Work for me!" and stop holding myself hostage in a place where I'm obviously miserable?
Depending upon the job market in your area, leaving may be possible if that is the path you decide to take. In most locations nursing jobs are at a premium. One thing I would certainly not do is quit this job before you have something else lined up. Considering that you are not long on experience, a prolonged gap in your resume will increasingly work against you as you seek other jobs.
I pass pills all day, fill out paperwork that no one ever seems to read, and I don't get to do most of the things I learned in nursing school. I don't feel challenged. (Sorry, I guess my milleneal is showing.)
I know that you are frustrated, and it feels like you're not making a difference. However, I believe that your decription is an oversimplification of your duties. What you do is most of what I did for the first 3-4 years, but I did a lot of other things as well. Give yourself credit for what you do and what you have learned.
I can't tell you whether going or staying is the right path for you. However, I believe that you need to fully assess what is making you feel the way that you are. Some of your descriptions of things that are going on seem exaggerated or overly dramatic, and others may be misconceptions. I am also bothered by your perception that reporting problems will have repercussions, up to and including physical harm to you and those close to you. You can't go your entire career quietly enduring things that are not right. That will gradually build up and lead to premature burnout.
I wish you well. I hope that you find what you are looking for, whether it is corrections or something else.
Findingmynitch
22 Posts
I have over 10 years of nursing experience. I have worked in a county jail about 2 years, but I was full time for a fraction of that. The facility and its preexisting culture often determine your experience. Can you fit in there? I can confidently say the facility I worked in was hands down, the most hostile work environment I had ever seen. I have never had a problem with the inmates, and I feel as though I had made a difference to many of them. Custody was not a fan of mine. I had false reports made about me. One time, they kept me in each of the Sally ports for 5-10 minutes. Another time, I was hit by a door that slammed shut on me; that's assault and battery! As for the nurses, they were all excellent clinicians, but they routinely worked outside their scope of practice. Although nursing is known for being a backstabbing profession, the nurses at this facility excelled more than any others I have encountered prior. I left work and cried more times than I could possibly count. I could go on and on about my negative experiences, but they do not matter.
Money is not everything. Although it may be difficult to find a pleasant work environment, I am sure you can find one which is tolerable for one year.
My concerns for you as a new nurse in corrections is that 1) there is absolutely a stigma when you have worked in this area (the longer you work in it, the worse the stigma), 2) you are not getting a good chance to cement your skills in this setting and 3) you are probably learning some bad habits. Correctional nurses are often taught to work outside there scope of practice.
My recommendations would include the following:
*If you can stand it, stick it out to six months because it will look better. Six months of experience is still better than none even if it is at a correctional facility. However, I would not stay a day past six months. Oh, make sure you use any accumulated PTO in those last two months .
*Get another job before you officially resign from the prison. When you apply for another job, tell the prospective employer that corrections just was not a good fit, but you learned and grew from the experience. Try to focus on what you learned by working with that unique population (for example, experience with the mentally ill, working with difficult patients, learning to be more understanding). You have gained plenty of experience from this exposure. Never bad mouth an old employer to a new potential employer. Also, I would tell them you were concerned you were not able to reinforce the skills you had learned in nursing school in that position.
*I would rather not work LTC as well, but it is a cross you may have to bare. It may not pay as much, but the question is, can you tolerate it for one year in order to get your necessary experience. Also, before accepting a job at a LTC facility, I would inquire about whether you could shadow a nurse in their facility for a day before accepting the job. I have seen some LTC facilities where I would not leave my dog.
Good luck. If I can be of any assistance, you are welcome to private message me.
OfficerRNBSN
80 Posts
I think you should find other work and then quit.
Orca, thanks for the reply. I was very upset when I made my post. I've, sadly, been thinking how best to respond to your advice. Overall, I do genuinely appreciate your advice.
I've done some reflection and my manager isn't the problem. I feel horrible for having placed any blame on her when the offending parties are some of my coworkers and some members of security. I also did myself and all of you a great disservice by not taking more time to post a cogent, less dramatic entry.
I had to vent. I needed to vent.
At any rate, the only parts of your reply that I take issue with are below:
You may also be assuming that some people know about your sexual orientation when they do not. Unless you have expressly told people I'm not sure how they would know. If you have, I wonder about your motivation in doing so. [/quote']All I'll say is sometimes all it takes is the suspicion that someone is gay to make them gay in the workplace. Whether it's true can be irrelevant to a workplace as inherently oppressive as a prison.If your first job kills your passion for nursing it wasn't very deep to begin with. [/quote']For a profession that I feel should be chock full of understanding and compassion, I feel the propensity to pass judgment so quickly runs amok. But I suppose that's just the human disposition and not confined to nursing. I guess the crying I've done and the feelings of hopelessness that have occurred from this job make me a passionless nurse? Or maybe I'm being over dramatic? Probably the latter--I'm admittedly prone to it.All I know is it's hard being a new nurse. It's even harder being a new nurse in a prison.Thanks though. Your reply gave me pause for thought.
All I'll say is sometimes all it takes is the suspicion that someone is gay to make them gay in the workplace. Whether it's true can be irrelevant to a workplace as inherently oppressive as a prison.
If your first job kills your passion for nursing it wasn't very deep to begin with. [/quote']For a profession that I feel should be chock full of understanding and compassion, I feel the propensity to pass judgment so quickly runs amok. But I suppose that's just the human disposition and not confined to nursing. I guess the crying I've done and the feelings of hopelessness that have occurred from this job make me a passionless nurse? Or maybe I'm being over dramatic? Probably the latter--I'm admittedly prone to it.All I know is it's hard being a new nurse. It's even harder being a new nurse in a prison.Thanks though. Your reply gave me pause for thought.
For a profession that I feel should be chock full of understanding and compassion, I feel the propensity to pass judgment so quickly runs amok. But I suppose that's just the human disposition and not confined to nursing. I guess the crying I've done and the feelings of hopelessness that have occurred from this job make me a passionless nurse? Or maybe I'm being over dramatic? Probably the latter--I'm admittedly prone to it.
All I know is it's hard being a new nurse. It's even harder being a new nurse in a prison.
Thanks though. Your reply gave me pause for thought.
And thanks to everyone else also for your replies. It helps having all of your perspectives. I'm working on a new plan that might give me more satisfaction in my nursing career.
I'll keep y'all posted. :)
I've done some reflection and my manager isn't the problem. I feel horrible for having placed any blame on her when the offending parties are some of my coworkers and some members of security. I also did myself and all of you a great disservice by not taking more time to post a cogent, less dramatic entry.I had to vent. I needed to vent.
There is nothing wring with venting. I could tell by the tone of your reply that you were struggling with a lot of things.
That may be true or not, depending upon the mix of coworkers. I have worked with gay nurses in a prison setting who were very open about their sexual orientation, and it didn't seem to make any difference to the people they worked with.
Unfortunately the compassion that goes with the profession doesn't extend to coworkers for everyone. And no, feelings of hopelessness don't make you a passionless nurse - quite the opposite. If you didn't care, it wouldn't faze you.
Precisely why I don't recommend correctional nursing as a first nursing job. It requires a degree of independence that a new graduate cannot possibly have, and coworkers expect it in the people they work with, whether it is reasonable or not.
You are welcome. I wasn't hammering on you, just trying to help you take realistic stock of your situation.