If you're anything like me, you probably chose nursing because you like helping people. You imagined that you would have the power to change lives for the better. Even if it was just one a time. Fast forward to reality, you've been slapped in the face of what modern-day nursing has become: all about patient satisfaction. You never imagined that you would do everything in your power for someone to be medically okay and comfortable and them STILL not appreciate, care that you even helped, or expect the moon out of you. Your fantasy of what nursing would be does not exist. You call and wake up doctors at night for an order for a heating pad, administer every pain medication the patient asks for, make their bed, wipe their butt, get them food because they are hungry, and they still will be mad at you because you weren't good enough. And you go home asking yourself, what is the point of trying so hard, when you couldn't meet your patients expectations, when your managers never recognize anyone's good work, and when your constantly working under less than favorable conditions to do these things? Stressing your mind and body until you have no sanity, all for someone else. You end up burnt out and compassion fatigued. You don't try anymore -- because either way the patient will still be unsatisfied. You rarely meet a person who shows an ounce of compassion for you and your profession. Nurses get no praise on the floor. Doctors reap the benefits while still treating us like we have no idea what we are talking about. And you get to the place where mentally you can barely even handle going into work without feeling physically sick. Dreading going back to work on all your days off, rarely enjoying your free time. Constantly fatigued and aching. Not feeling like you can take care of yourself between all the work and sleep and for me, school. What do you do when you reach this point? Nursing is nothing of what I thought it would be. It has left me empty instead of full. My once so beautiful image of nursing that I thought it would be is shattered, and I feel broken.
