Shool Ended Friendship

[Seishiro]

So my best friend since high school, Meg (not real name) who I've pretty much considered my sister, my soul mate, my twin star, my equal, etc. etc. (I'm gay so this is all on the platonic level) has pretty much decided to end our friendship because according to her ever since I started LPN school I've become "obnoxious".

I mean, despite the fact that I work full time, go to school 3 days a week from 0830 till 1530 and then clinicals thursday and friday, my mom might have lung cancer and my sister might have breast cancer, my father is in remission for prostate cancer and also has skin, copd and leukemia her attitude is, is that when I need her shoulder to cry on and then when I leave a voice mail to have her call me and she doesn't get back to me for a couple days and then I say, "Thanks for the help, I really appreciate" I can understand that i was being a little catty, but why is it that everytime I have a crisis or something bad happens to me at class I'm just being a whinney little punk... but the minute she needs something or has a bad day I'm ALWAYS there for her to listen to me.

I've made some REALLY bad mistakes in my past and I'm just now starting to turn my life around and Meg was ALWAYS there for me through it all and was my only friend for the most part who stuck with me. She knows everything about my and my family and we are so close that when I'm sick, usually she's sick. (I live in NJ and she lives in OH btw.) Ever since she moved out there and made new friends and has a bf I've just felt us slowly drift further and further apart. It hurts me so bad and now it seems that my life is getting better a part of me thinks that she kinda liked it when I was down on my like... almost like it made her feel better about herself and her situation.

Shes going to school to become a holocaust lit teacher and wants to teach at the college level and don't get me wrong she is an intelligent well adjust person, despite having SEVERE anxiety issues (we couldn't find a parking spot for a good 30min at a train station once and she almost had a nervous break down... no lie and I'm not exaggerating). I have my own issues with social anxiety as well which makes it really difficult for me to get on with my classmates which is why it was so important for me to have her to fall back on...

All of a sudden she just seems to have gotten over me. I just feel like I'm not important to her anymore and everytime I mention something that happened in my life good or bad she seems like she couldnt' care less. When she called me obnoxious and said I've been that way ever since I started nursing school it really hurt that she was harboring these negative feelings for so long without talking to me about them when I openly discused how I felt we were drifting apart... which she said I was I trying to make her out to be a bad person because I said that she could be condescending sometimes and she doesn't realize how hurtful her comments can be sometimes. She blew it way out of porportion. I was just trying to open up to her and i tried to be as positive as I could be saying how great a friend she has been to me and how she is the one i trust the most and all of that.

I got fed up with everything and said I wasn't going to talk to her until she apologized for what she said to me. And I haven't heard from her since. It's kinda hard to imagine that a long friendship such as ours is over just because of a disagreement. She said before this that is she felt like she needed to apologize for something she did wrong she would have no problem doing so.

I'm just so frustrated. Maybe I am wrong, maybe I'm just being too sensitive... but I can't help how she makes me feel so insignificant and uncapable and stupid. I didn't think I was being obnoxious when I was breaking down to her when I knew she would probably be the only one that would listen. I just don't understand how this great friendship has turned her so cold towards me. What did I do wrong? Now I'm in nursing school with a bunch of people I hardly talk to, my social anxiety is through the ROOF, I'm feeling like crap and I don't have any friends really and being lonely and starving for affection doesn't really help either.

I have no prospects of meeting a bf in the area I live in and even if I did I doubt anyone would be interested in me because guys can be so shallow. I'm happy with the way I look and even though I'm a little chubby it doens't bother me because I know I want to meet someone that likes me for me. I'm usualy a happy person and I'm not really "depressed" depressed per se. It's just that I've been under so much stress lately that I'm having difficulty coping. I would be a lot better of if I just had someone to talk to. I dunno... I guess I'm just venting. I'm just at a loss for ideas.