Rules that SHOULD exist and be enforced in OB...

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Specializes in L&D, Postpartum/nursery, high risk antep.

Now we all know this is NOT a perfect world... but if it were, what types of rules would you create for you OB unit...

This should be a fun, laugh producing thread....

Here's a couple for starters....

1. :confused: If you don't know the names of your own body parts... you will not be allowed to take your baby home!

2.:angryfire If you have had at least three babies taken from you by CPS... you will have a mandatory tubal before you leave the hospital!

3.:o If you are unable or unwilling to change your own baby's diaper before discharge,... you will not be allowed to take your baby home!

4. :uhoh3: If you are under 16 years old and your mother is under 32 years old and you grandmother is under 48 years old, all on public assistance and there are no men involved... mandatory family counseling before discharge regarding the importance of education, birth control, employment stability and relationship building!

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Specializes in many.

5. If you don't know how to spell your baby's name, you will not be allowed to name him/her that and we will randomly choose a name for you that the child will not have to spell for every person they meet for the rest of their life. Sally, John, James, Mary...etc.:idea:

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Specializes in L&D, Postpartum/nursery, high risk antep.

Just thought of another:

6. If you come in preterm labor, refuse tocolytic therapy and deliver a premature baby, thinking it's no big deal, you just were sick of being pregnant... you will be required to go through EVERYTHING you premie goes through... scalp vein IV starts, multiple intubation attempts, tests, tests and more tests, xrays, restraints, monitor leads all over your body, blood sugar fluctuations, body temp fluctuations, multiple lab draws, tube feedings, oh and how about separation from the only presence you've ever known (mom) for possibly months, AND how about long term effects, vision problems, kidney problems, learning disabilities, etc... (Since the NICU tour before delivery was not effective)

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7. If you come to the hospital less than 37 weeks and having a lot of braxton hicks contractions that are not changing your cervix, you are not allowed to scream at the nurses and doctors for not inducing you because your UCs "hurt." Wait til the real thing comes honey, then we'll talk about HURT. And yes we will give you a copy of your prenatals because you want to go to another hospital, but no we will not give you a copy of the strip so you can call your lawyer.

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If you pick your baby's name from a TV commercial 2 days after delivery, (such as baby "Febreeze") your baby doesn't go home with you! This actually happened while I was on my OB rotation with a 14 yr old "Mom". Baby febreeze now has a new first AND last name, as per orders from Children and Youth.

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Specializes in Looking for a career in NICU.

If you are 25 years old, and have 5 children by 5 different "baby daddys", and are on public assistance, you are required to have a tubal ligation before you go home.

If your baby tests positive for illegal drugs, you are automatically voided of your right to ruin an innocent baby's life, like you have your own.

If you have to borrow a car seat from the hospital and cab fare from a friend in order to take the baby home, where you are "just crashing", the hospital should have the right to save the Department of Social Services a step and an investigation, and just put your baby up for adoption on the spot so it can have a shot at a real family and a real life. (yeah, I know someone who is doing this now, baby is 2, and she is still "just crashing" here, there, 2 weeks somewhere else....)

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Due to the fact that there is an almost identical thread (much longer) in this same forum, this thread is now closed.

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