Robot transition?

[Shadai]

How long it take you to become the professional well respected nurse that you envisioned for yourself? I sometimes feel that I should quit and go take a desk job because even though I know better, I still find myself thinking that I could have done something better for a patient. Case in point: a lady was told that she might have cancer in the ER, and asked me to pray with her. I didnt. This has been over a year ago, and I still cringe at the memory. I dont know how to cry with patients, because I am afraid of being seen as weak. I feel sometimes like this cold robot, who dont know how to respond to emotional situations. Since I was a child, I have been always stereotyped as aloof and snooty. It is classic for people to tell me that they didnt know that I am nice untill they started talking to me. No accident that I have few friends. ( I really dont know what to do about this).

A desk job is not an option for me. I tried that one and almost died of boredom. I would rather commit suicide than to spend my entire life behind a desk, with no point or purpose. Help.

I dont know what to do with my life. I want to help people, but I dont think that I have the emotional capacity for it.

[aura_of_laura]

There are so many ways to help people without having to form emotional bonds with them. Have you thought about going in to research? Or maybe a hospital role that doesn't lend itself to personal relationships with a patient, like IV team. If you want to stay in your same capacity, there's a lot of truth to the old adage, "Fake it 'til you make it!"

Don't be too hard on yourself - you clearly recognize that this is something that's making it hard to provide excellent care, and recognition is the first part of the battle. Good luck!

[Medic2RN, BSN, RN, EMT-P]

I don't understand why you think it is part of being a professional nurse to cry with patients. I don't cry with patients, otherwise I'd be bawling all the time!

You are being quite harsh on yourself! Sometimes the best thing to do is just stand there and BE there for the person or just listen. I don't offer advice, I ask if they want me there and if they need me to listen - I will.

I consider myself a professional. I will fight tooth and nail for my patient because I treat them the same way I would as a family member of mine, but I cannot invest so much of myself that I form emotional bonds with all of my patients. I am not their family, I am their advocate. Sometimes that means being the voice of reason when everyone else is thinking with their hearts.

I would certainly burn out quickly if I invested so much emotion with every patient. There are many different meanings to the word 'care'.

Like I said, don't be so hard on yourself.

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

Shadai,

Not all nurses are 'group huggers' - LOL. My preferred happy place is one of solitude. Nevertheless, I enjoy nursing and providing physical and emotional care for people who need it. Just don't ask me to organize a baby shower or head up the department party committee.

I have found that the key is to treat patients "as if" they were family - while maintaining distance by keeping in mind that they are NOT family. sound confusing? You almost have to distance yourself - to the point that you maintain perspective and can objectively see how you are coming across to the patient. It's just another category of nursing intervention. For instance, many patients need contact to establish the human connection which is so important to effective nursing care. So, we know that we need to touch the patient in a non-threatening way - hand on the shoulder or forearm while focusing on their face and looking them in the eye. If a patient asks you to pray with them, they really want someone present while they pray -- it doesn't hurt to hold their hand or just 'be present' when they do.

Trust me, you don't have to get all sappy and leave work everyday with emotional skidmarks from your patients... you'll burn out quickly. Just focus on realizing how you come across to your patients - your gestures and words affect them just as much as your technical interventions, if not more. Just follow the platinum rule - treat everyone as they want to be treated... you'll be fine.

If you really want to dig into this stuff, I would recommend reading some works by Jean Watson or Carol Gilligan. They outline the concept of 'caring' from philosophical standpoint and I found it very interesting... uh oh. Does that make me a nerd??