RN Residency Program Essay... needs a personal touch?

  1. Hey, all! I wrote out my essay for a New graduate nurse residency program.
    I'm hoping that I can get some feedback! All criticism is welcome. My own thought is that it may lack a personal touch, which I'm finding difficult to write out due to my complete lack of any relevant working experience, and blanking on anything I could write about my clinicals.

    Here it is (with horrible formatting):

    Throughout my nursing education, [Hospital Name] has served as an outstanding source of experience, information, and support. For two years, I had the privilege of working with my clinical professors at several different units in [Hospital]. I served my last semester precepting with experienced RNs, and received nothing less than overwhelming support and encouragement.

    As an individual, I will bring my enthusiasm for the profession of nursing, years of customer experience, and the ability to work well with my colleagues and as a part of the health care team. My passion for learning would serve me well in the program, as I intend to grow and expand my knowledge to become a more competent and compassionate RN. I am a hardworking and focused individual who possess the ability to deliver my best work in everything I put myself into. I believe nursing to be a challenging and rewarding profession; one that allows you to make a difference and care for people during their most vulnerable moments. To be given such trust is both a privilege and an honor. Given the opportunity, I will work diligently to put forth my greatest efforts in delivering excellent patient care, thorough patient advocacy, and complete professionalism.

    I would be honored at the opportunity to join the [Hospital Name] team, which would allow me to transition from a new graduate nurse into a capable RN by fostering my skills of critical thinking, communication, and professional connectivity. I believe the program would assist me in developing and maintaining my clinical competence, and teach me about the policies specific to [Hospital Name]. I look forward to the opportunity of joining the [Hospital Name] team as a permeant part of your staff during the conclusion of this program, and would be honored to begin my career at a hospital that puts such a great emphasis on the training and education of new graduate nurses.
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    About ojulius

    Joined: Apr '18; Posts: 3; Likes: 1


  3. by   Sour Lemon
    It seems a little too long and "wordy". Is there a specified length it's supposed to be? If not, I would tighten it up.
    Good luck!
  4. by   ojulius
    There wasn't as guidelines, just "write an essay".
    Thanks though, I'll to make it less wordy.