Redneck Medical Terms

[Trauma]

Benign...What you be after you be eight

Artery...The study of paintings

Bacteria...Back door to cafeteria

Barium....What doctors do when patients die

Cesarean Section..Neighborhood in Rome

Catscan...Searching for kitty

Cauterize...Made eye contact with her

Colic... a sheep dog

Coma...A punctuation mark

D&C...where washington is

Dilate...To live long

Enema...not a friend

Fester...quicker than someone else

Fibula...a small lie

Gentital...non-jewish person

G.I.Series...world series of military baseball

Hangnail...what you hang your coat on

Impotent...distinguished,well known

Labor pain...getting hurt at work

Medical staff...a doctor's cane

morbid...a higher offer than i bid

Nitrates...cheaper than day rates

Node...i knew it

Outpatient...a person who has fainted

Pap Smear...a fatherhood test

Pelvis...second cousin to Elvis

Post-operatiive..a letter carrier

Recovery room...place to do upholstery

Rectum...damn near killed him

Secretion...hiding something

Seizure...Roman emperor

Tablet...small table

Terminal illness...getting sick at the airport

Tumor...more than one

Urine...opposite if you're out

Varicose...near by/close by

Vulva...Swedish automobile

And some that we use in my unit:

FTD...Fixin to die

NTD...Needs to die

Circling the drain...see FTD

CABG...Coronary artery bypass graft

Saurkraut...CABG gone bad

Brussel sprout...CABGx1

Troll Patrol...working the pod we all the bad CABGs

[Roach]

LOL...little old lady

LOL"squared"...little old lady lying

on linoleum

Chicken Breath....chee can't breath

All Swoeled....all swollen

The bucket is in front of the patient's

foot and they are getting ready

to kick it

The patient is seeing a big bright light

in their room

Celestial D/C...the big nsg home in the

sky