Rebounding from The Embarrassment of a Bad Day

[Maureen Bonatch MSN, BSN, MSN, RN]

Studies say that we can spend up to a third of our lifetime at work. Even if it's not that much, it's usually at least a third of our day-and all days aren't created equal. There are some days that everything seems to go just right, while on other days it seems like nothing does. Maybe it's due to lack of sleep, working long hours, feeling unwell, or something bothering you in your personal life that results in us having less patience and more irritability. Unfortunately, sometimes this makes us lose our filter and personal feelings, or insensitive comments, leak into our professional life.

We might not have meant what we said, or even realized it was inappropriate or rude until later-or once someone pointed it out to us. Regardless of the reason for the behavior, now it's time to return to work and deal with the embarrassing fallout.

Sorry, Not Sorry

You might not be sure if what you said, or did, was as bad as you thought-or worse than you thought. Either way, the best thing to do is address it and not let potential ill will fester. Everyone makes mistakes and most people appreciate those who own up to them. You rely on your coworkers and spend a large part of your day with them. Ignoring the issue could impact the morale of your unit, disrupt teamwork, decrease productivity, or just make your day miserable.

Some people find apologizing more than uncomfortable. They might see it as a sign of weakness, while it should be considered as a strength. When you respectfully acknowledge another person's feelings, and display remorse or regret for your actions, it can help foster trust and keep relationships from deteriorating.

How to Apologize

An apology can be written, verbal or perhaps offered with a heartfelt gesture of goodwill. The most important thing is that it is genuine. If you aren't sincere the other person will detect that and it might make the situation worse.

Saying, I'm sorry:

• Don't make excuses- for your behavior or make yourself out to be the victim
• Omit the words- "if, or "but", because they reduce the effectiveness of your apology
• Don't abuse it- and use apologies as an excuse for acting out.
• Don't wait- until they confront you, or it might seem like you are only apologizing because they complained about your behavior.
• Be prepared- to give them time and space, if they don't accept your apology.
• Don't bother- if your apology is only to project blame onto someone else.
• Not sure how to start?
  • "You have every right to be angry." or "I now recognize that was insensitive of me." or "I'm sorry I offended you." or "I am truly sorry." or "Please accept my apology."

When It's More Than a Bad Day

Sometimes an apology isn't enough. If you're waking up each day with the same negative outlook or bad attitude, it might be time to look a little closer at the root cause of your feelings so apologizing doesn't become a daily routine. You might not realize the weight of the worry you're carrying until you confront your concerns.

A few ways to sort through your thoughts include to:

• Take a day off to relax
• Practice relaxation techniques such as yoga, mindfulness, or deep breathing
• Talk to a trusted friend
• If it's related to your work, talk to your supervisor

If your actions are to blame- take responsibility and suggest a solution. Be open to other ideas to rectify the problem, but be sure to listen and let the other person vent if they need to. If necessary, you might need to walk away to avoid reacting. If the situation is severe, consider that the person might file a complaint against you.

If someone else's behavior is the reason- consider what is prompting your reaction. Is it a personality clash? Is someone else's bad day infecting yours? Or is it something more serious? Behaviors like bullying or harassment shouldn't be tolerated and you might not owe anyone an apology. Those inappropriate comments and behaviors could mean it's time to take your concerns to your supervisor.

Don't Make Sorry the Hardest Word

We all have bad days and make mistakes. Sometimes the hardest part is admitting that we were wrong. An apology can't fix everything, but it can often go a long way to mending bridges, building relationships and helping to have more good days than bad ones.

How Do You Say I'm Sorry?

[Melissa Mills, BSN]

Love this! Sorry can seem like a dirty word sometimes! But, it is not. And, I have found that when I allow myself to become vulnerable and I apologize, I learn so much more about who I am as a person. #lifelessons.