Questioning my future as a nurse

[Tirednurseandmomma14, BSN]

I have been a nurse for roughly 10 years where I started out as an LPN for 2 years and went on to get my RN. I worked almost 5 years in Urgent Care but left because I wanted to continue to learn different specialties and I had two small children so was looking for better hours. I went into Homecare and really enjoyed what I did but did not feel challenged enough and left after 6 months...then I took 2 months to reexamine what I would like to do. I went to a long term acute care hospital and worked there for over a year. I was working with patients who were on a ventilator or had telemetry monitoring-they were really sick and many would crash and the workload could be a lot to deal with. I had anxiety every day I went into work and questioned my ability to do what I was doing. I ended up being asked if I would like to go back part-time for the same homecare company and I'm not sure why but agreed due to the amazing hours and less stress. I went back to that for almost 9 months and again felt bored out of my mind and the company again was doing shady things for reimbursement I didn't agree with. I got some confidence working there and decided to apply in the emergency department since I had a acute care experience as well as had done urgent care ?. I got the job and have now been there almost 6 months. I have never had so much anxiety, I feel incompetent and have little confidence in myself. I understand that I am new there and this is all very different from what I have done before but I'm wondering why in the heck I felt this was a good idea. The anxiety is through the roof and I've learned I really don't like that extreme of stress on the job. I'm pretty sure my husband is sick and tired of me changing jobs and frustrated I'm not happy again. Is there something wrong with me that I just can't be content at a job? Has anyone else ever felt like this? I'm unsure if I should just leave nursing all together (great time during a pandemic, right?) Or if its even worth it to try something else.

I am not interested in going back to Urgent Care and would need something with retirement benefits which a lot of small companies can't offer.

Thanks for listening. Any advice is appreciated.

[NotMyProblem MSN, ASN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN]

When was the last time you had a REAL vacation? Might be time to step back a minute and get your second wind, although where you’d go or what you’d do might be kinda iffy in the midst of a pandemic, too.