Question

[RNWithAHeart]

Hi,

I am a RN Case Mgr who has a pt and wife in their early 50's, both with mild MR. His hospice diagnosis is pancreatic ca. He is independent at this time. He wants a "meeting" with his RN, MSW and the Chaplain and his family to "talk about cancer." We are planning to meet with him later this week. His wife does not want to discuss cancer. As I said, the pt has mild MR and I have tried asking him what specific things he would like to discuss about cancer, he just says everytime "to talk about cancer."

The MSW, Chaplain and I are not quite sure how to proceed with this meeting, we are all fairly new to Hospice (within the last 6 months) and we woulod appreciate any insight/suggestions/input you could give us.

Thanks:redbeathe

[leslie :-D]

this is a wonderful idea.

God bless your pt for attempting to open the dialogue, i'm thinking, for the sake of his wife.

it's important this conversation be supported.

while it may seemingly be easier for the wife to deny the current reality, she needs to be informed in gentle, concrete terms about her husband's terminality.

you can never go wrong when encouraging truth with love.

leslie

[seasonedlpn]

Pancreatic CA is usually a fast moving diagnosis. I tell my patients that a terminal diagnosis is a kind of gift. It means no midnight call from the nurse or doctor, no coroner on the front porch. It means no scrambling to "break the news" to distant family members. A terminal diagnosis is like God saying, "I would like to give this family a 'heads up', let them say all the 'good-byes'...all the "I love yous" they want." A terminal diagnosis is a block of time given for preparation. It is the gift denied the mothers of many of our soldiers, mothers of the victims of drunk drivers.

When a family is hit with a terminal diagnosis, it's hard to see it as anything other than tragedy....but, it truly is a gift.

Everyone will one day face death. Many will face it alone...but it will come nonetheless. Caring for a patient that is terminal is like waiting with them at the bus stop. We can just sit there and wait...or...we can hold up an umbrella against the sun and rain...we can carry a blanket against the cold. Caring for a terminal loved one can be the ultimate act of love.....or we can just walk away and let someone else do it. Given the choice, and the time to consider the alternatives, most families will wait with them. We cannot change the outcome, but we can lighten the load and make the journey peaceful.

Caring for a terminal loved one is the ultimate gift of love.