Question for Military Spouses with baby: stay behind for BSN?

by Chapelc13 Chapelc13 (New) New

My husband and I dated for four years, including while I was taking my pre-reqs for Nursing school (BSN). We discovered we were pregnant decided to get married. He joined the military to support his family and told me that he would support me finishing school. He is currently at A school, and I have been accepted into Nursing school here for January and he will be stationed somewhere (we don't know where yet) in March. I have been researching, and childcare services on base typically have year long waiting lists. I currently get childcare for free where I am now. My tuition here is mostly paid for as well. If he gets stationed in California I have read that it is nearly impossible to get into Nursing school. I don't have any volunteer experience, and my GPA is a 3.2. That doesn't make me a very competitive applicant. My husband is heartbroken that I am considering staying behind even though that was the plan originally. I know it has been rough on him to be away from his baby. Even though I promised to visit as often as possible, I think he is finding it impossible to imagine being away from the baby for 2 years. I have always wanted to be a nurse, and I would never forgive myself if I didn't finish school. I am SO torn on what to do. I know I will be bitter and unhappy if I do not stay true to my dreams. I would even be willing to let my son live with my husband for the last year while I stay to finish up if that is an option, is it?? Would my husband be able to live apart from wife with baby while active duty? Are there any military spouses that have had to make tough choices like this before??

Is there any way you can defer your acceptance, and make a decision based on where he's actually stationed?



5 Posts

Is there any way you can defer your acceptance, and make a decision based on where he's actually stationed?

Great idea! But, unfortunately, I looked it up and that is not an option!!


shibaowner, MSN, RN, NP

Has 1 years experience. 3 Articles; 583 Posts

Does the military offer financial aid to spouses? Please check as there may be programs to help spouses.

I'm an army "brat," so can provide some perspective. Military personnel must be prepared to be separated from family sometimes. Sailors can be at sea for long periods. Army and Marines may be stationed overseas where they can't take families. My father had 2 tours of duty in Vietnam of 1 year each. He also had other extended periods of duty requiring separation.

Here in California, getting into a public community or 4 year college or university for nursing is highly competitive, as there are more students than there are places for them. In addition, since you are not a California resident, your tuition will be high. It may be easier to get into a private school, and you could certainly apply and see what kind of financial aid you can get. For profit schools will take just about anyone, but I strongly advise against that as they are also extremely expensive.

Personally, I think your best bet is to go to school where you are and get it over with. Once you are an RN, that will be a good job for a military spouse. Even if you moved to be near your husband, he could get transferred again before you finished school. Short term pain, long term gain. Good luck.

Hi. Army wife here. I will tell you from experience that if you decide not to go to nursing school now, you'll regret it and you will most likely ever go again as he goes up the ranks, has to deploy, leaves for trainings and you guys have to move again and again. I understand you have a baby now and it's going to be hard on you guys to be apart but in the end, it'll be worth the sacrifice. Just have a serious talk with you husband and I hope he understands for your sake.

Yes he can live in a different location than you. He'll be considered a geographic bachelor for BAH purpose. Good luck with whatever you decide.



1 Article; 365 Posts

Though not a BSN, there are ADN/ASN programs out in California (or other states) that you may be able to get into. After getting your RN, then you can always do an RN-BSN program afterwards. Also remember that there are many people who return to school later on. Delaying does not mean it will never happen. You may also have time to gain experience in the medical field to make yourself a stronger applicant in other states (if you decide to move that is).

In all honesty though, this is honestly something that you and your husband have to discuss and decide on together. Decisions can no longer be totally one sided and doing what is best for your little one can help to guide your thought process. So, can your marriage last those two years? Nobody on here can tell you if it will last or how long it will last. What worked for one couple does not always work for another couple. I am all for taking dreams and turning them into reality, but I am not the one who is going to be impacted by your decision to stay or move and try to find another program. Do the costs outweigh the benefits? Only you can decide. Best wishes.


llg, PhD, RN

Specializes in Nursing Professional Development. Has 45 years experience. 13,469 Posts

When I was born (several decades ago) ... my father was in the Air Force and stationed far away from Mom and my older siblings. They did what they had to do and it worked out fine. People have survived such separations for centuries. If the relationship is strong, it will survive.

Surviving the family separations due to deployments is part of the deal you make when you join the military. I am not saying they are not stressful, but they are part of the routine -- and they can be survived.