help! filling out nursing school application

[butterfly135]

hi all, i am needing some help please! on my n.s. application they give you 1.5 lines to answer the why do you want to be a nurse question. now i have a response but i think it needs some tweeking. help please. so this is what i got i want to be a nurse to care for people and offer people the compassion they deserve. i also am interested in this career, for the variety that it offers and the never ending learning experience.

does this sound ok? we can put in our apps on jan2 i am sooo nervous!please any advice helpful! thanks:loveya:

[frnzy]

(I'm the "grammer queen" today.) You don't need the comma after "career" in the second sentence. In terms of style, I'd say keep everything in the same tense. Either present or future and keep out the passive voice. So for instance you say "am interested in" in the the same sentence you say "it offers." Switching tense and voice is jarring and doesn't come across as well written as something that avoids those pitfalls. So for instance the second sentence might be rewritten to start with the phrase "I feel that..." That way everything after it can be a list written in the same tense and voice.

Does that make sense?