Pre-CRNA advice to a new ICU nurse. Please read!

[blongor]

I graduated in May (BSN) with a science GPA 3.7 and a nursing school GPA 3.44. I went to a top-rated nursing school, and got a nurse residency position at the #4 CTICU in the country (32 bed: ECMO, VAD's, IABP, etc). Sounds like a good start for someone wanting to be a CRNA, right? Well I need some advice, both personal and professional, and would be so thankful for any help you guys can give me. I didn't mean to sound pretentious with my first few sentences, quite the opposite. I started college pre-med, always wanting to be an anesthesia provider because I truly enjoy the field. However, I deduced to change to the CRNA route after shadowing a few options because I like patient care and felt that it would be more suited to the type of anesthesia I wanted to provide. So, I made a big switch and moved to go to nursing school- all and all, I spend 5 years getting my BSN after switching majors and am in 32K of debt. After graduation, I landed this nurse residency job and took it, but I had to move again. I have stabilized the moving costs and three months later have balanced out my credit cards and can now start paying down my 32k debt, although I make the lowest hourly wage I've ever heard of for new grads (about $22/hour). I had to leave my family, my partner of four years, and all of my friends and family.

Naturally, I am feeling a bit down. I like my ICU job, but it is so much work with all of the classes, tests, and certifications I have been required to do for it. I spend at least five days a week at the hospital. I have gotten to the point that I am homesick, miss my family (my mother is fighting cancer and I feel guilty and awful for moving), and am wondering if this is all worth it. Best case scenario, I will probably have to work for two years as an ICU nurse here (although my contract only requires a one year commitment) and then I can start CRNA school, though presumably I will have to move again, as I highly doubt I will get into the program at the University where I currently work. I had originally thought I could get in there and have them pay for part of it (they offer about 10k a year toward it, although the total cost is almost 100k). I plan to get a DNP (because as I understand it, an MSN will not cut it for CRNA's anymore and I should just go ahead and do a BSN to DNP program). So, by the time this is all done, I will be 29 years old, with at least 100k worth of debt.

A friend of mine who stayed pre-med at the college I started out at long ago has decided to become an AA (Anesthesiologist Assistant) and was recently telling me about her decision. Granted, I like the idea of more autonomy, broader scope of practice, and the job opportunity of CRNA, it sound like a solid choice. She is 24 (my age) and will be done is her masters degree in two years, with about 80k of debt, and start out at 26 with the same salary I would at nearly 30 years old. All the while, staying in our hometown city near her family and friends.

I don't mean to downplay the fulfillment I get out of being and ICU nurse. I do enjoy it, to a degree. But most days I am just trying to tell myself that this will all have been worth it, and i just don't now if it is true anymore. I could spend about two more semesters catching up on AA prerequisites and start in a year or two in an AA program, or stay the course and hope that I have any chance in hell of becoming the CRNA I have always wanted to be.

Does anybody have any advice on which path I should take? Personal or professional advice is welcome, because after all, we are all human. Money is NOT everything to me, my family is important to me. And I am so tired of starting over in a new city with new people and losing the friendships, relationships, and the lives I have had each step along the way. I feel like I am getting too old and that I will miss my opportunity to find a husband, have a family, and see my own. Thank you all for reading this long post, I really appreciate it if you have made it this far.

Much love to my nursing community, you are incredible people and my respect for you grows more and more each day.

[Da_Milk_of_Amnesia, MSN]

My only advice is don't become an AA. Very few states recognize then and they have a limited scope. I wouldn't even let an AA give anesthesia to my dead dog.

[Go-GetterRN]

Sounds like you some tough decisions to make. I agree with Da Milk that you should stick with CRNA over AA if you decide to do either. I chose to move away from home to a city and work in a large hospital for competitive icu experience. I only live about 2 hours away from my family, but I understand what you mean about not being there with them. I plan on applying to crna school in a year, but the more weekends, holidays, and special occasions I miss with my family for work makes me wonder if I really want to go to school for a profession where I will most likely have to work even more weekends/nights/holidays. Not to mention, not being there for the 2-3 years of anesthesia school. I've been thinking a lot about the fact that nobody lives forever, and time with my family is more important to me than money or what I do at work. I'm personally torn between whether I should go CRNA, or NP. NP would be easier school, I could do it part time, and there are a ton of M-F 9-5 jobs with no weekends or holidays in my area. I know I would regret not going to crna school if I went that route though because I love the thought of being an anesthesia provider. I cant imagine having to make these decisions if one of my parents had cancer. Good luck in making your decision, I hope nothing but the best for you an your family.

[itrust]

Wow, sorry about your mom . As someone who has done a similar cost benefit analysis of pursuing CRNA, I'm learning one thing about life, it's not easy. Please know, if you do decide to become an AA, you will encounter challenges there, albeit different, as well. My suggestion is to make a list of things that are important to you. When you see yourself in 10 years, how do you envision your life? If in 10 years you see yourself enjoying a greater sense of autonomy while caring for those at one of their most vulnerable moments in life, then please pursue CRNA. If you envision something else for yourself, then that it is okay too.

You are fairly new at you place of employment, but I would look into sick leave for family care or bereavement. I also encourage you to pray for the answers you seek if you are religious. Whatever goals you set for yourself, I implore you to continue walking even when it hurts, and when you have less hope and more disappointments. When you finally reach your goal, your true goal, it will be that much sweeter. GL.