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middypiegirl

Also, you get the chance to see things you never, never dreamed you would have the opportunity to witness in person. Ever. In your life.

That is where my story begins. I remember it ever so clearly. "Leslie" and I, 2 nincompoop students who had just lifted a male patient up with the Hoyer lift, transporting him to the shower to receive his bi-weekly bath. "Orville" was way out of it, as I remember he was nonverbal and didn't even crack an eyelid throughout the entire affair.

We got Orville into the shower, and even though the details are foggy, I do remember Leslie positioning herself right between Orville's legs, and he was right at face level. I guess she thought maybe she had to spot him to make sure he did not fall out.

This is where things got unbearably hilarious. At least, for me they did. I was fiddling around with the shower when I hear a very loud sound. It was a mix between a GASP and an AUGH. It was kind of high pitched towards the end. Right after the GAUGHSP, I heard a distinctive plop. And then a few more plops. And then a squirting farting sound. I am watching Leslie, and it all seems to go in slow motion. Her eyes open so wide I can't see her hairline, and her mouth is open in a silent scream sort of way. Then, she starts hopping up and down real fast. Ew. Ew. EW EW EW EW it's on my SHOE, there's POOP on my SHOE, get it off, get it off, oh gosh, oh why, oh POOP, on my shoe!!!!!!!!!!!!!! By this time, the tears are pouring, my stomach is cramping from laughing so hard that I am wheezing, and I can't stand. Leslie hops up and down, up and down, and then kind of starts running in place. I am trying to remain professional...but, well, that comes with practice I suppose, and I literally guffaw. Good thing the patient didn't seem to hear or care in the least that he just pooped on that nice nursing students shoe.

In our post clinical meeting with the other students and our instructor, Leslie described that her lack of reflexes was due to the fact, that as she was standing right at eye level to Orville's behind, right in between his legs, she happened to notice his orifice start stretching, and than open in front of her very eyes. She was in shock as she had never had a front-row view before. She stated " It just opened! Just like that!" This set off a round of guffawing from our whole class, and the next day our instructor oriented us to the Hoyer lift once more, as apparently Orville just MAY have been a little bit low in it.

And so ends my story

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