Please Help Peer Review FNP School Personal Statement

[sammyyah]

Hi everyone!

I am applying to a local MSN/FNP program. I also obtained my BSN from the same school. The school is requiring a personal statement. I have been out of school for a while and I am self conscious of my writing. Please help me by peer reviewing my personal statement. This is still a rough draft and poorly structured. Please feel free to fix grammatical errors, make suggestions, and edits.

Thank you all in advance.

TOPIC: Statement of 300 words describing the students' professional goals and reason for seeking graduate education.

MSN Personal Statement

Born and raised in (CITY), I want to become a resource by giving back to this community and providing quality care to this city. Through (SCHOOL NAME)'s FNP program, I am confident I can achieve this goal because it has already given me a strong foundation through its BSN program.

I have never regretted my decision to become a nurse, even through the hardest workdays that I have had. It is extremely rewarding and satisfying to take care of people that are ill and watch them leave the hospital as a healthier person. As an ER RN, I take care of patients of all ages, from the simplest upper respiratory infection to resuscitating patients from cardiac arrests. Patient's visits to the ER are short. They come in and get treated and leave or get admitted to other units. While treating my patients I develop a rapport, which leads to better therapeutic outcomes regardless of their length of visit. I want to take that to the next level as a FNP as I treat patients and develop a deeper relationship through their life span.

I currently work very closely with doctors, physician assistants, and nurse practitioners in the emergency department. Throughout my career as a staff RN, I have often observed a lack of patient education from the primary care provider. We often see many revisits and readmissions due to a lack of education and poor post discharge management. Patient education is very important in all aspects of the patient's health; as it can improve outcomes and prevent complications. As a staff RN, I do my best to educate patients. I want to advance my career to a FNP to facilitate this change. I want to take care of patients on a higher level through autonomy and broadening my knowledge. As a primary care provider, I would do my best to educate my patients and involve them in their plan of care through evidence-based practice and strive for better outcomes.

Current word count: 332 (Will they care if I am slightly over?)

[FuturePMHNP, MSN, RN, NP]

It is extremely rewarding and satisfying to take care of people that are ill and watch them leave the hospital as a healthier person.

I would fix your use of tenses in this sentence. There are several other places where I would change your word choice (like simplest?). I think you need to rework your last sentence too. It is awkward as stated.

Also, if there is a 300 word limit you need to adhere to the limit. I edited, tweaked and re-tweaked my essays for weeks until I got them all right and all within the word counts. These are just a few suggestions based on my quick perusal of your essay. Also, did your school give you any guidelines at all? Other than the 300 count word limit?

[sammyyah]

I copied and pasted the only guideline to the statement which is 300 words. Thanks for the input

[Yuppers21]

Personally, I would avoid speaking ill of your current workplace and coworkers. Rather than blaming the PCP for poor outcomes and readmissions, I would simply state that you have observed first hand the importance of high quality discharge teaching and follow up care.

As a primary care provider, I would do my best to educate my patients and involve them in their plan of care through evidence-based practice and strive for better outcomes.

Perhaps this instead: "As a nurse practioner" instead of "As a PCP" and "I will" not "I would"

You have a good start, definately adhear to the 300 limit. It's the only stipulation they gave! It would look poorly to not follow it