Personal Statement- Need feedback please!

[jommieRN]

Hi, to give you some background I have been a nurse for 8 years, currently looking to pursue CRNA. Because of my undergraduate GPA, the director of the anesthesia program I am looking into advised me to take some grad level courses to prove I'll be able to handle grad level study. This is my personal statement for the school that I am applying to. I am looking for feedback/ constructive criticism. I wrote this based on their requirement- "A statement of philosophy articulating your professional values and future educational goals". Thanks in advance!

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From an early age it was in my soul to help people, and little did I know that setting on a path to a career that I know I will enjoy for the rest of my life. Through the majority of my teen years into my 20's while many others my age were playing sports, partying and just being kids, I was serving my community, focusing on my future, and developing myself into the professional I am today. When I was fourteen I joined a chartered group in my town's local volunteer fire company for young people interested in firefighting. It was there that I first began to realize how important public service people are to our community. We are a group that our fellow citizens place their trust in to protect them, teach them how to protect themselves, and to come to their rescue in times of need. When I was sixteen, I decided not only did I want to help those in danger of their environment, but also those in danger due to their health, so I studied and earned my certification as an Emergency Medical Technician. From my experience in those ventures my desire to pursue a career in the healthcare field became apparent and I naturally gravitated to nursing. The science behind the human body and the strength of a person to overcome illness and adversity amazed me. It still does to this day. At the age of 17 I began my first semester of nursing school at ABC College, attending classes and clinical during the day, while spending my evenings working as a nurse's aide at the local hospital. At the age of 19 I graduated with my Associate of Science in Nursing degree and obtained my Registered Nurse license. I started my nursing career on a Med-Surg unit and have continued growing up in the profession ever since, advancing through many different nursing roles and earning my Bachelor of Science in Nursing degree. I've worked in hospitals from Big City to Big Valley, on days, evenings, and nights, providing care to patients ranging from those having an outpatient procedure to immediate post-op heart transplant.

I truly believe that in order to be a successful nurse, you must treat your patients as if they were your own family member and provide the quality care you would expect your family to be given. I highly value being competent and driven in everything you do. If you don't know the answer, ask. If you've never done it before, find someone who has and have them walk you through it. Never heard of it? Research it. Over the years I have learned that nursing is not a field that allows you to "pretend" or to mindlessly carry out a task "because Dr. Smith said so" without potentially endangering someone's life. It is important to be current, confident, but careful in your practice and be a positive role model for the future of nursing.

While my nursing career has proven to be a fulfilling endeavor, I'm always left wanting more, always searching for a new challenge. Anyone who has worked as a floor nurse knows, between the endless charting, call bells, every two hour turns as well as Q&A sessions with worried families, you may only be able to scratch the surface of the complexity of your patients' condition. It is intriguing to me that as an advanced practice nurse, specifically in the specialty of anesthesia, you have the ability to provide one on one, individualized care. This allows, if not requires, you to delve into the patient's history, get to know their body, their co morbidities, and how all those factors affect the patient's current condition, the care you give, and the desired outcome. I am excited to build upon my experience and pursue a career as a Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist, as it is one of the most challenging nursing specialties. With determination and discipline, I hope to one day understand the chemistry and complexity behind how anesthesia affects the body, utilize my education and clinical experience to provide safe, competent care, and build upon my current critical thinking skills in order to act appropriately in an adverse situation. Most patients' greatest fear when it comes to their healthcare is the idea of experiencing discomfort. I want to be the practitioner that can ease the pain for a patient that is suffering, or assure them that when they have been up the whole night before the surgery from worried anticipation, they will be in good hands when they go to sleep for their procedure.

One of the most important things I've come to appreciate is being a good student and always putting your best foot forward. While I was goal oriented when I was younger and accomplished everything I set my mind to, I did not appreciate the value of doing it to the very best of my ability. With maturity, I have learned from my missteps and assure that my undergraduate GPA is not reflective of my current potential as I pursue my graduate education. At the advice of Dr. Nurse Anesthetist, Program Director of the XYZ School of Anesthesia, I plan to begin taking prerequisite courses towards the ultimate goal of being accepted to his program upon successful completion.

Throughout my experience, many people have expressed to me that they "Don't know how nurses do what they do." I've contemplated the thought each time I've been approached and each time I realize that there is not anything else I could imagine doing. Consistent with the mission of 123's School of Nursing, I plan to continue growing as a caring healthcare professional, always willing and ready to learn in order to foster a fulfilling, life long career as a nurse, because in my soul, I know it is what I am and what I'm meant to be.

[BeesMama]

From an early age it was in my soul to help people, and little did I know that setting on a path to a career that I know I will enjoy for the rest of my life. (confusing wording)

Through the majority of my teen years into my 20’s while many others my age were playing sports, partying and just being kids, I was serving my community, focusing on my future, and developing myself into the professional I am today. (Long sentence - I would shorten.)

When I was fourteen I joined a chartered group in my town’s local volunteer fire company for young people interested in firefighting. It was there that I first began to realize how important public service people are to our community. We are a group that our fellow citizens place their trust in to protect them, teach them how to protect themselves, and to come to their rescue in times of need. When I was sixteen, I decided not only did I want to help those in danger of their environment, but also those in danger due to their health, so I studied and earned my certification as an Emergency Medical Technician. From my experience in those ventures my desire to pursue a career in the healthcare field became apparent and I naturally gravitated to nursing. The science behind the human body and the strength of a person to overcome illness and adversity

amazed (amazes, instead)

me. It still does to this day. At the age of 17 I began my first semester of nursing school at ABC College, attending classes and clinical during the day, while spending my evenings working as a nurse’s aide at the local hospital. At the age of 19 I graduated with my Associate of Science in Nursing degree and obtained my Registered Nurse license. I started my nursing career on a Med-Surg unit and have continued growing up in the profession ever since, advancing through many different nursing roles and earning my Bachelor of Science in Nursing degree. I’ve worked in hospitals from Big City to Big Valley, on days, evenings, and nights, providing care to patients ranging from those having an outpatient procedure to immediate post-op heart transplant.

I truly believe that in order to be a successful nurse, you must treat your patients as if they were your own family member and provide the quality care you would expect your family to be given. I highly value being competent and driven in everything you (I, instead of you) do. If you don’t know the answer, ask. If you’ve never done it before, find someone who has and have them walk you through it. Never heard of it? Research it. Over the years I have learned that nursing is not a field that allows you to “pretend” or to mindlessly carry out a task “because Dr. Smith said so” without potentially endangering someone’s life. It is important to be current, confident, but careful in your practice and be a positive role model for the future of nursing. (I would change the wording and voice of this paragraph to from a first person -- it is odd and somewhat confusing to read "if you don't know the answer, ask". I would phrase it "If I don't know the answer, I ask. If I haven't heard of a topic? I research it." Or something along those lines. It is less passive and not "attacking" at the reader, if that makes sense")

While my nursing career has proven to be a fulfilling endeavor, I’m always left wanting more, always searching for a new challenge. Anyone who has worked as a floor nurse knows, between the endless charting, call bells, every two hour turns as well as Q&A sessions with worried families, you may only be able to scratch the surface of the complexity of your patients’ condition. It is intriguing to me that as an advanced practice nurse, specifically in the specialty of anesthesia, you have the ability to provide one on one, individualized care. This allows, if not requires, you to delve into the patient’s history, get to know their body, their co morbidities, and how all those factors affect the patient’s current condition, the care you give, and the desired outcome. I am excited to build upon my experience and pursue a career as a Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist, as it is one of the most challenging nursing specialties. With determination and discipline, I hope to one day understand the chemistry and complexity behind how anesthesia affects the body, utilize my education and clinical experience to provide safe, competent care, and build upon my current critical thinking skills in order to act appropriately in an adverse situation. Most patients’ greatest fear when it comes to their healthcare is the idea of experiencing discomfort. I want to be the practitioner that can ease the pain for a patient that is suffering, or assure them that when they have been up the whole night before the surgery from worried anticipation, they will be in good hands when they go to sleep for their procedure.

One of the most important things I’ve come to appreciate is being a good student and always putting your best foot forward. While I was goal oriented when I was younger and accomplished everything I set my mind to, I did not appreciate the value of doing it to the very best of my ability. With maturity, I have learned from my missteps and assure that my undergraduate GPA is not reflective of my current potential as I pursue my graduate education. At the advice of Dr. Nurse Anesthetist, Program Director of the XYZ School of Anesthesia, I plan to begin taking prerequisite courses towards the ultimate goal of being accepted to his program upon successful completion.

Throughout my experience, many people have expressed to me that they “Don’t know how nurses do what they do.” I’ve contemplated the thought each time I’ve been approached and each time I realize that there is not anything else I could imagine doing. Consistent with the mission of 123's School of Nursing, I plan to continue growing as a caring healthcare professional, always willing and ready to learn in order to foster a fulfilling, life long career as a nurse, because in my soul, I know it is what I am and what I’m meant to be.

[BeesMama]

Sorry -- it is difficult to provide good feedback without the MS Word capabilities I am used to. Hopefully some of those comments made sense! Hope this helps and good luck!

[jommieRN]

Thanks so much! I wrote parts of this after working four 12 hour nights in a row so I didn't notice that I omitted some words. Always good to have a second set of eyes. Thanks!