funny pediatric complaints and questions

    Vol.89 No.6
    June 1992

    Most Interesting Chief Complaints
    - Drank the dog's milk - from the dog's nipple
    - Needs a circumcision beacause his tonsild/adenoids are so big
    - Can't find baby's birthmark
    - Placed tooth under pillow - now lodged in right ear
    - Piece of bologna string hanging from anus
    - Problem with his manlihood
    - Baby is afraid of his hands
    - Needs anus muscles checked - has been straining
    - Sprayed hairspray all over bathroom - then threw up from smell

    Suspicious - Sounding Chief Complaints
    - Fell out of infancy
    - Lump down his tentacle
    - Needs a mental extraction
    - Romantic fever
    - Cereal palsy
    - Sick as hell anemia
    - Scrap throat
    - Swollen asteroids

    Questions Asked
    - Hello, I would like to schedule an emergency.
    - Does St. Christopher's carry breast milk?
    - May I speak to Mr. Dimetapp?
    - My baby can't breathe. What time can I bring her in?
    - Is it alright for a 2 year old to fly if he's constipated?
    - Is there such a thing as a birth control vibrator?
    - My little girl kissed a dead chicken. Should I bring her in?
    - Should a 5 year old be wiping his own butt?

    Other Amazing Things Said by Parents
    Nurse: How do you know he has a stomachache-he's only 2 months old?"
    Mother: "Because a lady who had her period held him on her stomach".
    Doctor, to mother of child drinking soda and eating candy "That isn't a good idea for a child with his problem."
    Mother - "Well, I certainly don't want my child vomiting on an empty stomach!"
    Doctor: "What kind of convulsions has he had in the past?"
    Mother: "Oh, he vomits once and then runs around the house chasing the cat".
    Doctor: "Give him 3 baby aspirins every 4 hours for the fever".
    Mother: "I would but my other 2 kids ate the bottle of aspirin at home this afternoon".
    Mother of a 12 year old girl with abdominal pain: "I don't think it's the you-know-what. She ain't a virgin yet".
    Nurse: "How did you hurt your leg?"
    Boy: "I was break dancing last night and I think the break broke me".
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